adsum | npc contact.1

( the way he does that and trots mud into wherever they're at for the night and the first thing komaeda asks him is if he's seen amami because it's almost hinata's birthday. )

...It's fine, you can throw it away.

( now komaeda will be the one sad because he loves this stuff, and here's rokkun not even wanting to mess with it because it'd make him smell nice. and idk, attract people??? maybe they'll think he's a good looking young man? you never know!!

but then again, i remember what komaeda did on rokkun's birthday, and i look away. )

...I would make it. ( he already made it once, despite dying a few times along the way. ) Do you lack that much faith in me?

[ Rokuro "I would never lie to you" Arata will lie to Komaeda's face and say he has not seen Amami.

Anyways, no, he's not going to throw it away, you can't take back gifts, if Komaeda doesn't have a good grip on it Rokkun is going to take it and set it on his lap and wrap one arm protectively around it, it's his. ]

It's not a lack of faith, it's just... It would be winter, and you don't like being outside. So I'll come to you; you don't have to go out of your way for me.

( ? what is his problem, he is so lucky komaeda can't smell ultimates or something, sensing them is different though... rokuro "gives komaeda more work" arata making komaeda search for a dead man smh...

he's surprised, eyes widening for a moment as the bag is taken, a few of the dried petals and herbs slip out, but not too much that komaeda can't lean down in his seat to pick them up. the rest will be in the protection of rokkun's arms, and he stares down at the piece between his middle and index. he rubs his fingers against it slowly, and he hums in thought. )

It'd be nice, to be in a warm home during the winter... watching the snow outside while holding someone in your arms...

( well, rokkun was dead in his arms at the time, and that wasn't nice, but he can change how the story goes or something. people spend time with their loved ones on the new years, right? ...komaeda excluded. )

[ Is that what people do? He'd be asking the wrong person. ]

...Maybe next year. I'll take you home and introduce you to my family.

[ That's what he wanted, wasn't it? Rokkun didn't miss the way it kept being brought up. ]

I met them.

( ...straightforward enough, not the way he'd like to go about it...

but rokkun said he wouldn't lie, so how he reacts would be honest feelings, wouldn't it? )

So you don't have to take me there, I don't... want to ruin things for you.

...No you haven't.

[ Not that Rokkun remembers, and he's inclined to trust his memory more than Komaeda and his dementia. ]

You wouldn't ruin things, don't say that. I want you there. I bet my grandparents would like you.

Are you calling me a liar?

( wish komaeda just spoke in cryptics, but rokkun got him out here being straight forward like this shouldn't be a big deal. )

The past is the past... it can't be changed, but I'd rather not put you in the position that I did.

( actually, that position is because of what rokkun did himself, but everything after that was because of komaeda's meddlesome touches.

because they're all close to dying? and komaeda's hair white? thanks rokkun... )

I'm not. I'm just saying you're wrong.

[ And that's different, somehow. ]

What are you even talking about... When did this happen? Was I even there?

I'm wrong, now...

( he's honest, but it doesn't mean he's always right, but this time... how would he know. it was just a memory, one he doesn't remember... or did he block it out? a memory on a floor that was filled with thousands of gorintos... )

Why would you want to listen to a wrong man's ramblings if I'm so wrong?

( ... )

Because you believe you're right. And that's more important to me.

[ Komaeda being wrong is a fact that won't change. But still... it's not every day that Rokkun gets to hear him talking about the past— about their past— that he was always claiming he doesn't remember or never happened. Maybe it's simple self-indulgence, wanting to hear Komaeda talk about them. ]

( believe? something like that, he knows.

yet, he's going to get out of his chair, the dried herb between his fingers falls onto the floor as he walks past rokkun, and over to the door of the art room. he grips the handle, like he's ready to turn it, and leave, but instead he peers outside, looking both left and right before bringing himself back in, and closing the door all the way. if he could lock it, he would. )

You're being hypocritical, Rokkun...

( as if komaeda doesn't live like that, but he turns back around, looking towards him as he leans his back against the door. )

Are you sure you want to have this conversation with me? ... You might look at me differently.

[ He almost means to get up and go after Komaeda when he walks away, half lifted off his seat but then Komaeda stops at the threshold and he sits back down. Is there any difference between being hypocritical and being a liar, when both twist the truth to serve his needs?

In either case, it's not like he can focus on anything else when Komaeda is being like this, so he changes his mind and stands again, potpourri carried in both hands until he's standing in front of Komaeda. It's how he always prefers to talk: face to face. ]

I'm sure. Nothing you say will change my feelings for you.

( he didn't have to get out of his seat, and komaeda even looks over his shoulder to stare at where he was, then to the unfinished canvas, and his eyes drop down to the potpourri in his hands. it always has a nice smell, a well-liked gift, and here's rokkun holding onto it with every step. )

If you don't finish, you're forgoing New Year's Eve.

( he reminds him, and his eyes lift up to meet his set of light brown eyes, familiar, another pair within the school. his hands lift, touching rokkun's shoulders as if to turn him around, don't look at komaeda, if he has to talk about this...

it doesn't have to be face to face. )

[ It doesn't have to be, but it's going to be. Unlike a certain younger sibling, Rokkun doesn't flinch when he's touched, and he doesn't move either. Stubborn, desperate, messy, whatever Komeada thought of him. ]

I'll finish after you talk to me. My deadline isn't until New Year's Eve.

( he doesn't flinch, huh? nor does he fall over, he just stands there looking at him, and komaeda's fingers lift — the brush gently against the male's neck scar, and he retracts his hand. )

...

( instead, he focuses on grabbing rokkun's left hand, his thumb brushing against the band trying to take a look at his wrist.

"what are you even talking about... when did this happen? was I even there?" )

I'm talking about you. ...It was the 28th, when we came back. ( he takes a breath ) ...Yes, you have a habit of focusing on one thing, and ignoring everything else.

[ He doesn't react to the touch— not until it trails against his neck and he swallows hard, trying not to think about the last time he let Komaeda do this. The last time he let Komaeda take off his wristband, the last time Rokkun had let him...

This time, he pulls his hand away. This time, Komaeda's fingers don't come back wet and bloody. Instead, they're being held in Rokkun's like he's telling him to stay here, look at him. ]

And you have a habit of starting in the middle of things, then veering wildly off course. Start from the beginning.

( being denied to check his tallies isn't a first, and this time he's being kept in place from looking. his hand still hurts down to his own wrist, a sensitive, but he he tries to slip his hand out from the other's grasp if he allows him. komaeda has to touch things he shouldn't, it's like a person who can't stay in once place without moving. )

It was the first time the fourth floor... became available to us, Sakasaki-kun, Adams-san, and Hinata-kun were there with me.

( it's a group, alright, but they're who komaeda was with, and he stares in the other's eyes to look for a reaction. rokkun did ask if they solved any mysteries, and he himself is one of the many. )

The whole world was voided of anything meaningful, covered in darkness, and all we could hear was our own heartbeats, a hissing in our head... and follow a light that illuminated our path. ( not how he has to retell the story, how dare rokkun do this when komaeda has dementia. ) Can you guess what it was?

[ Rokkun doesn't let him take his hand back, thinking of it as him running away and not that he possibly has a broken finger, but he keeps his grip light— until Komaeda talks about darkness, a void of nothing but thudding in your chest and white noise in your head, and the eventual lights floating just out of grasp... ]

...no. What was it?

[ This is Komaeda's story, not his. ]

( he smiles gently, trying to recall the events, what was important and what wasn't, but he should be honest while telling him. he wants to use his hands to explain the story, but with it being held like so... he tries not to move it so much. )

At the moment, we called it our north star, so we followed it through the darkness... It took a long time until we found more, it was like stars we could all wish on...

( in a way, he's glad they weren't shooting stars given his background. with many of them, he continues: )

...Then they flew close to us, almost like moths to a flame... and we became drowsy... ( it must sound insane, but rokkun's insaner so it's okay. ) Sounds like something out of a fairy tale book, doesn't it? Though, most of those have happy endings... Two of us decided to crush them, one by one...

[ It does sound insane and Komaeda is more insane than he is so this is just par for the course... But he closes his eyes at the decision to crush the lights, and when he opens them again he's staring at the floor.

It sounds like something out of a dream, he wants to say, but doing so would feel like invalidating Komaeda's tale and he'd rather suffer listening to nonsense to the end than to have Komaeda no talk at all. ]

...and you took their light... or something like that?

You're pretty smart... that's what we did, one after the other. It's like it woke us up... does anything like that feel familiar to you?

( he asks, watching the way rokkun closes his eyes, how he tries to immerse himself in the story, and all komaeda can think of is that he's reading a book to a child. rokkun has his moments of innocence when he isn't insane, and he looks calm that he doesn't seem the type to act without thinking. he doesn't appear desperate, or messy, he seems like he just wants to understand. )

If not... Sakasaki-kun and I argued for a little but, I guess he didn't like when I slapped him and Hinata-kun's rear, but it was to wake them up.,,

( he sighs... he had good intentions, maybe to also snipe a few of those lights along the way. ) Adams-san scolded us for our actions, but we did learn there were about millions of those lights in the darkness.

[ He can see everything as described but then Komaeda is slapping people's asses and Rokkun snaps out of the immersion, looking up at Komaeda like he wants to ask, and then closes his mouth because he knows better to. ]

Like a starry sky... Did you think it was pretty? Or did it still feel lonely?

[ Or maybe that's a stupid question, when Komaeda was there with three others. ]

( don't look at him, he had a feeling rokkun would look at him for it — that's why he said it, sometimes it's funny to see him react to things that don't matter. )

...I didn't think much of looks, I was too interested in killing them. ...It was neither, it became suffocating. It was cold, yet it's like the darkness wanted to swallow us up... devour us whole, gold eyes watched as we descended further and further.

( he sighs, maybe that was meant to be loneliness. what was pretty about a world that started to distort, become nothing for them to attach themselves to. )

The lights disappeared, and we did too.

[ "Too interested in killing them" god, okay,

Rokkun stares at him, half listening, more thinking. ]

( because he's quiet, komaeda thinks that rokkun is actually bored of his storytelling — how is he to know if not told to go on? )

Should I shut up and let you return back to your monastery?

( looks past his shoulder again at the grid of lines, looks back to rokkun. )

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