adsum | npc contact.1

( komaeda just wants to see his aratas together... )

You always knew, I didn't remind you of anything. Is your memory that poor? I asked if this was a conversation you wanted to have... in the end, this is just your own difficulties.

( he's upset, but komaeda doesn't really care at the moment as he's messing with the paper. rokkun was going to give it to him, wasn't he? )

If you hadn't thrown it away... you wouldn't be filled with such anger.

[ Oh this is rich, Komaeda talking to him about memory problems.

but

he's right about one thing: it's anger that festers in the pit of Rokkun's stomach and Komaeda had warned him of just that. What if reopening this wound made Rokkun hate him? What if it made him think differently of him? Would he still have wanted to hear?

...

He pushes away from the desk. ]

It's not like I have any choice in this matter. What's done is done. ...I'll see you later, Nagito.

You don't, you've already chosen this path...

( it can't be helped, yet, he can tell by the other's actions that he isn't happy about any of this. komaeda pauses, pulling away from the drawing so he can turn towards rokkun, and he stares in his direction. )

...Don't go.

( he sighs, crossing his arms, and even though he doesn't feel guilty... he doesn't want him to leave actually. his eyes glance down at the ground, before he walks closer to him. )

I came to see you.

[ "I came to ruin your life" is sort of how this feels now, in hindsight, and he hates that it's still enough to make him stop, the sentiment of somebody coming to see specifically him.

He's going to let Komaeda bridge the gap, waiting until he's right behind him before turning around. ]

Why?

( he's being difficult, and it's not like komaeda hasn't dealt with this sort of attitude before. he doesn't like reaching out from this end, because it won't go well...

just like how things turned already, and he feels as if he should just let him go. his choice, his decision, but the fact he stops, willing to hear him out is a lot of pressure. )

...You know why.

( because komaeda will kill himself, and write someone's name on the note. )

I waited all break for your return... to see you.

[ "To see you... so I can ruin your life..." It still fits this biased narrative of his, but at the same time, he's hearing words he could only ever dream of, selfishly making Komaeda say it, and he's soooooo so weak.

Somebody waiting for him to come back...

Somebody to come back for...

... ]

...Thanks. At least this time I made it back.

( yeah, he forced komaeda's hand into this position, and he can't even turn back with the words falling off the tip of his tongue. it's not very him, he's not direct, and yet here he is saying this to rokkun that puts a spotlight on him, some sort of honesty he doesn't want to be vocal about.

it frightens him, actually, what's this supposed to be... good luck? bad luck? it'll swing an opposing end, fierce, and out of his control he thinks. he's waiting for it, not even willing to look rokkun properly in the face — his face angled towards the ground.

it's when he speaks that komaeda's eyes swiftly glance in his direction, and they widen for a moment surprised, and then they grow sharp again, that normal, empty look behind them. )

You've always came back to me... ( a treat, but he can differentiate himself because he's trash!!! ) and everyone else, So if you're going, it's to the rooftop to watch the stars with me.

( he's expectant, waiting for him to answer. )

That way we can finally speak with each other.

( not to, and not at, like he's willing to compromise the male's earlier request. )

[ He does always come back, eventually, somehow, but he thinks of graduation and what he must do to get there and the smile becomes a little forlorn. Honestly, he always expected Komaeda to be the one to leave and not come back, but Komaeda's always the one who comes to him— for him— and it always makes him happy.

He's not too sure about everybody else, but ]

Yeah. I'll always come back to you.

[ Sparing Komaeda for a moment, he glances out the window, at the presumably sunny sky outside, because it's a long loooooong time before the stars will be out.

... ]

What about the sunset? Will you watch it with me? Today.

Hmm... What's with that look... ah, it's fine, don't be sad, it won't be your fault.

( besides dementia will win over before rokkun goes, he's sure. he watches the other's eyes, following where they go to see him stare outside. the art room, part of his crime at the start of the year, and if he recalls this is the place where aiko left, and then died subsequently. it brings a smile to his face as he thinks about it, and he looks towards rokkun as he speaks his request. )

Are you able to take the stairs?

( he asks, looking down at the other's leg where he recalls the wound from before, and he guesses if the other has been taking therapy, he should be fine. )

I'll even hold your hand if you have difficulties.

( komaeda pauses, walking past rokkun as he reaches out for the door, opening it for both of them. )

[ Ignoring the existence of the elevator and the fact that it's just two sets of stairs, he thinks he can probably make it up by himself with the help of the handrail to support his weight, but... ]

...It'll be slow. I'll have to hold on a long time.

[ But he's getting up— first to grab a sheet of wax paper to lay over the sketch and weigh it down so the pencil doesn't smear and he'll be able to come back and finish his work— but he can walk well enough. The deep ache, the focus on putting one foot before the next, it feels like something he's done time and time and time again.

He's never had somebody at his side, though, opening the door for him. And when he steps through, he turns around and holds his hand out. ]

( when was the last time he looked at the sunset free of any concerns or worries... it was probably on the island, staring out from the cottage with his eyes turned towards the sun — the sphere slowly sinking beneath the ocean. the surface sparkling from the leftover rays... watching it was the group always held with him concerns, if he deserved to be by them...

there's only a few people he feels comfortable around to think he can enjoy something so simple, so mundane... so boring. )

It'll be like therapy, but at school... I'll have to visit the counselor soon for my session...

( he sighs, like it's no known secret, he does have to talk about his new and improved marks. he's staring at the palm of his hand, grinning to himself like he's excited until he notices something in his peripherals. )

...So you really do need my help to achieve greater heights. Ask for it, ask for it...

( ask for it because he sees the hand, but he's not giving it up. )

[ There's things he wants to say about therapy that he'll keep to himself, just as there's choice words he has about the counselor that he bites his tongue at. Like he has to try real hard not to roll his eyes. ]

May I have your hand, Nagito?

[ Hm. Feels weird asking. Next time he's just going to take. ]

...Hm.

( he's thinking about it, and as he looks between his two hands, he'll hold out his mechanical one instead. )

Do you want to hold this one?

( he doesn't give rokkun a choice as he reaches out with cold, metal fingers wrapping around the other's hand. it's easier when he has control of little things like this, so he doesn't get embarrassed... whew.

now... ) I've had your therapy before, I think it's better than having your brain picked apart.

[ Yeah, next time he's just going to take what he wants. But he takes that cold hard metal hand and turns down the hall to the stairwell. ]

Was it when you lost this?

[ He lifts that mechanical hand somewhat, never having considered how much work it must have been to even be able to hold somebody else's hand like he's doing now. The arm looks so much more complicated than how he imagined 1999 prosthetics would look.

but also, yeah, he thinks he'd rather lose his entire leg than to have people walking around in his memories ever again. ]

( lost is an understatement, which komaeda looks down at their fingers hands, and he thinks back to what came from that. it was... a process to get used to, but it worked like a normal arm when given to him — the ultimate hope, and ultimate mechanic's work doesn't need much therapy to use. )

Hm? This one came years after I cut it off myself, as for therapy, that was... when I turned 14... or was it 15...

( he was diagnosed with his own problems before being accepted into hope's peak, and that's where his life started to spiral. he's familiar with wearing a white gown, having doctors run tests on him, and lacking the strength to move when his body really wanted to work against him. those days were nice, it felt like dying.

nah give them another memory rokkun, feed him. )

What sort of drugs do they give you at yours?

Edited 2021-09-09 05:13 (UTC)

[ He looks a bit thoughtful, as if trying to dig back into his own memories to remember the 14 or 15 year old Komaeda he's supposed to know, trying to piece together when exactly Komaeda cut his arm off. He should know; he should have been there. ]

...Drugs?

[ The question makes him pause, but it at least brings him back to the present. ]

Pain killers, steroids, muscle relaxants, antidepressants, sleep aids, that sort of stuff. The point of physical therapy is to get better without medications, so, [ he shrugs ] It hurts all the time.

( he won't remember because his therapy happened when he got sick, not when he lost arm... when you can't tell a man when you were diagnosed with cancer and dementia. as for his arm, he was around... 17... )

Hmm... I understand, the constant pain... Do you think the sleep aids is why you've had nightmares, or was it... because of us being there that you had them?

( ...isn't a genuine question, even as he says this, he light squeezes the other's hand for reassurance. )

[ He should've told Akki so he'd be nice to Komaeda like he's being to Rika because she has some terminal whatever ]

No. I've been on them for a while now without any problem, and nothing's changed in the past week... When did you say you saw all that?

( akki can look at komaeda and see that he's sick, he literally looks like he has rigor mortis!!! rika's just playing his stupidity!!! )

Around the end of the month, I believe our peers said... we were gone by the 22nd of August, and... returned around the 28th.

( is that a decent time frame, he's sure of it because add and his documentations, and whatever else he does to have everything in place for reference. )

A whole week... it only felt like a day, or maybe half. ( part of komaeda is wondering if he should bring up the family meeting, and how they'll have to discuss his memory... oh, sick. )

[ Wonder if Rokkun can pull off a couple of murders before the month's family meeting so nobody can talk about something that's none of their business. ]

At least it matches.

[ He looks down at the ground in thought, and then frowns, because the conclusion isn't great. ]

Is there any chance the other three will go "Wow, that was weird." and just forget about it and move on?

( if he takes komaeda with him hell yeah, let them murder together for hope, not to murder because someone's pissy right now. )

You know just as well as me, with the names I've given you... they won't let it go. Hinata-kun and Adams-san are adamant about doing what they can to help you and everyone else involved. ( he sighs, breathy, and he looks towards rokkun to watch him look at the floor. )

Sakasaki-kun is a glutton for information, but he was willing to help the cause...

( though him and komaeda can be on odd ends from time to time, but he doesn't know if they see it a sensitive subject as rokkun does. it's true, they invaded a personal space despite it wasn't what they wanted to do; they just happened to stumble across his memory. )

Can we talk about them later, I want... to discuss us. ( because it's both him and rokkun having this conversation... ) There's a comment you made, and I want to approach it.

[ Yeah, that's what he was afraid of. People being nosy is bad enough, but when somebody is adamant about helping? He can't stand it... ]

...Us?

[ Terrible the way his heart thuds in his chest. "I want to talk about us" are break up words, he's heard them in movies before. ]

What did I say?

You said that... you had to die to be here, so it's the same for all of us... to be admitted into this school, each of us have to be dead?

( he looks at him, gauging his reaction because he'd know better since it was his memory, and why he's so keen on dealing with this school the way he does. how he wants the others to forget about him and his past, not to bring it up because god knows what would have happen if hinata walked his happy ass up to rokkun like btw we helped you when you were dying...! )

Because you said if you survived, then you can't be here... it seems pretty simple when proposed in that manner.

[ Oh. It's a general "everybody in this school" us, not a "Rokkun and me" us. The interest diminishes after realizing that, but also the anxiety, so he can't be too upset. Not like if Hinata were to walk his happy ass up to Rokkun like btw we helped you when you were dying...! ]

It makes the most sense, doesn't it? If I had survived... I would have gone home. I would have had dinner, put my brother to bed, read a book... kept living. But instead, I open my eyes and I'm here.

We would have never met if that was the case, but here we are... "alive" in our caskets for... what, that goal called "graduation", well... third years, anyway.

( komaeda already heard what happens with the first and second years, they don't get that chance, and all komaeda knows now is play a stepping stone until his end comes. it's not like he isn't familiar with that plan. to die, to be able to come here, forgoing everything of their past life because it's meaningless when they never got the chance to acquire it in the first place. when it's like that, komaeda can see why a memory like that isn't needed. )

A long time ago, you told me to open my eyes...

komaeda will kill himself ?

over a broken hand??

yeah this is komaeda what he supposed to do live?

just get a new hand

? SO who will cut komaedas body up into 1000s of pieces

there are so many people who would volunteer

? they can make rokkun watch! good as television

can't watch if he cuts them up first

regain him a chainsaw for his real birthday </3

i already forgot what it was and had to look in my plurk, help

June 6th Novembertenth 20'06? rokkun got bday dementia

2006 he's from the future

well yamas timejumper theory makes a comeback in saransk

if it fits the narrative it must be right

what cant rokkun not do, hes a timejumper, a murderer, what else is he. the cat? is HE bev?

:3c

LOOKS HIM IN HIS EYES.... TURN INTO A CAT NAOW!

nyaaa

a stronger nyaa is needed to prove his gijinkaness

rokkun would be a hissy cat more than a meowy one

hes hissy to everyone else and also hissy to komaeda when he doesnt get acknowledged THEN meowy

like lily yowling for pets but she shuts up after you kiss her on the head

NOOO THATS SOOO CUTE but will rokkun shut up like lily does is the real question

try it and find out

sounds like bait whats the incentive here!!