adsum | npc contact.1

[ Ignoring the existence of the elevator and the fact that it's just two sets of stairs, he thinks he can probably make it up by himself with the help of the handrail to support his weight, but... ]

...It'll be slow. I'll have to hold on a long time.

[ But he's getting up— first to grab a sheet of wax paper to lay over the sketch and weigh it down so the pencil doesn't smear and he'll be able to come back and finish his work— but he can walk well enough. The deep ache, the focus on putting one foot before the next, it feels like something he's done time and time and time again.

He's never had somebody at his side, though, opening the door for him. And when he steps through, he turns around and holds his hand out. ]

( when was the last time he looked at the sunset free of any concerns or worries... it was probably on the island, staring out from the cottage with his eyes turned towards the sun — the sphere slowly sinking beneath the ocean. the surface sparkling from the leftover rays... watching it was the group always held with him concerns, if he deserved to be by them...

there's only a few people he feels comfortable around to think he can enjoy something so simple, so mundane... so boring. )

It'll be like therapy, but at school... I'll have to visit the counselor soon for my session...

( he sighs, like it's no known secret, he does have to talk about his new and improved marks. he's staring at the palm of his hand, grinning to himself like he's excited until he notices something in his peripherals. )

...So you really do need my help to achieve greater heights. Ask for it, ask for it...

( ask for it because he sees the hand, but he's not giving it up. )

[ There's things he wants to say about therapy that he'll keep to himself, just as there's choice words he has about the counselor that he bites his tongue at. Like he has to try real hard not to roll his eyes. ]

May I have your hand, Nagito?

[ Hm. Feels weird asking. Next time he's just going to take. ]

...Hm.

( he's thinking about it, and as he looks between his two hands, he'll hold out his mechanical one instead. )

Do you want to hold this one?

( he doesn't give rokkun a choice as he reaches out with cold, metal fingers wrapping around the other's hand. it's easier when he has control of little things like this, so he doesn't get embarrassed... whew.

now... ) I've had your therapy before, I think it's better than having your brain picked apart.

[ Yeah, next time he's just going to take what he wants. But he takes that cold hard metal hand and turns down the hall to the stairwell. ]

Was it when you lost this?

[ He lifts that mechanical hand somewhat, never having considered how much work it must have been to even be able to hold somebody else's hand like he's doing now. The arm looks so much more complicated than how he imagined 1999 prosthetics would look.

but also, yeah, he thinks he'd rather lose his entire leg than to have people walking around in his memories ever again. ]

( lost is an understatement, which komaeda looks down at their fingers hands, and he thinks back to what came from that. it was... a process to get used to, but it worked like a normal arm when given to him — the ultimate hope, and ultimate mechanic's work doesn't need much therapy to use. )

Hm? This one came years after I cut it off myself, as for therapy, that was... when I turned 14... or was it 15...

( he was diagnosed with his own problems before being accepted into hope's peak, and that's where his life started to spiral. he's familiar with wearing a white gown, having doctors run tests on him, and lacking the strength to move when his body really wanted to work against him. those days were nice, it felt like dying.

nah give them another memory rokkun, feed him. )

What sort of drugs do they give you at yours?

Edited 2021-09-09 05:13 (UTC)

[ He looks a bit thoughtful, as if trying to dig back into his own memories to remember the 14 or 15 year old Komaeda he's supposed to know, trying to piece together when exactly Komaeda cut his arm off. He should know; he should have been there. ]

...Drugs?

[ The question makes him pause, but it at least brings him back to the present. ]

Pain killers, steroids, muscle relaxants, antidepressants, sleep aids, that sort of stuff. The point of physical therapy is to get better without medications, so, [ he shrugs ] It hurts all the time.

( he won't remember because his therapy happened when he got sick, not when he lost arm... when you can't tell a man when you were diagnosed with cancer and dementia. as for his arm, he was around... 17... )

Hmm... I understand, the constant pain... Do you think the sleep aids is why you've had nightmares, or was it... because of us being there that you had them?

( ...isn't a genuine question, even as he says this, he light squeezes the other's hand for reassurance. )

[ He should've told Akki so he'd be nice to Komaeda like he's being to Rika because she has some terminal whatever ]

No. I've been on them for a while now without any problem, and nothing's changed in the past week... When did you say you saw all that?

( akki can look at komaeda and see that he's sick, he literally looks like he has rigor mortis!!! rika's just playing his stupidity!!! )

Around the end of the month, I believe our peers said... we were gone by the 22nd of August, and... returned around the 28th.

( is that a decent time frame, he's sure of it because add and his documentations, and whatever else he does to have everything in place for reference. )

A whole week... it only felt like a day, or maybe half. ( part of komaeda is wondering if he should bring up the family meeting, and how they'll have to discuss his memory... oh, sick. )

[ Wonder if Rokkun can pull off a couple of murders before the month's family meeting so nobody can talk about something that's none of their business. ]

At least it matches.

[ He looks down at the ground in thought, and then frowns, because the conclusion isn't great. ]

Is there any chance the other three will go "Wow, that was weird." and just forget about it and move on?

( if he takes komaeda with him hell yeah, let them murder together for hope, not to murder because someone's pissy right now. )

You know just as well as me, with the names I've given you... they won't let it go. Hinata-kun and Adams-san are adamant about doing what they can to help you and everyone else involved. ( he sighs, breathy, and he looks towards rokkun to watch him look at the floor. )

Sakasaki-kun is a glutton for information, but he was willing to help the cause...

( though him and komaeda can be on odd ends from time to time, but he doesn't know if they see it a sensitive subject as rokkun does. it's true, they invaded a personal space despite it wasn't what they wanted to do; they just happened to stumble across his memory. )

Can we talk about them later, I want... to discuss us. ( because it's both him and rokkun having this conversation... ) There's a comment you made, and I want to approach it.

[ Yeah, that's what he was afraid of. People being nosy is bad enough, but when somebody is adamant about helping? He can't stand it... ]

...Us?

[ Terrible the way his heart thuds in his chest. "I want to talk about us" are break up words, he's heard them in movies before. ]

What did I say?

You said that... you had to die to be here, so it's the same for all of us... to be admitted into this school, each of us have to be dead?

( he looks at him, gauging his reaction because he'd know better since it was his memory, and why he's so keen on dealing with this school the way he does. how he wants the others to forget about him and his past, not to bring it up because god knows what would have happen if hinata walked his happy ass up to rokkun like btw we helped you when you were dying...! )

Because you said if you survived, then you can't be here... it seems pretty simple when proposed in that manner.

[ Oh. It's a general "everybody in this school" us, not a "Rokkun and me" us. The interest diminishes after realizing that, but also the anxiety, so he can't be too upset. Not like if Hinata were to walk his happy ass up to Rokkun like btw we helped you when you were dying...! ]

It makes the most sense, doesn't it? If I had survived... I would have gone home. I would have had dinner, put my brother to bed, read a book... kept living. But instead, I open my eyes and I'm here.

We would have never met if that was the case, but here we are... "alive" in our caskets for... what, that goal called "graduation", well... third years, anyway.

( komaeda already heard what happens with the first and second years, they don't get that chance, and all komaeda knows now is play a stepping stone until his end comes. it's not like he isn't familiar with that plan. to die, to be able to come here, forgoing everything of their past life because it's meaningless when they never got the chance to acquire it in the first place. when it's like that, komaeda can see why a memory like that isn't needed. )

A long time ago, you told me to open my eyes...

I did say that.

[ He looks over at Komaeda, holds his gaze. ]

Are they open now? What do you see?

( as he notices rokkun staring at him, komaeda pauses, eyes sharp as he feels like he's being challenged. he lifts up his organic hand, staring into the palm of it, before he brings it to his mouth in thought, humming softly... the first time rokkun said that to him was to open his eyes, and remember, and that was to not think of him too badly. those were the early days where komaeda didn't understand anything, it was just life at the time, something that they accepted. even if his lips brush against the center of his palm, it's not intentional as he reaches out to cover rokkun's mouth instead, his request for him to stop speaking.

his hands are cold, but the center still warm from his own breath moments ago. )

I'm the one asking questions, yet... I'll humor you. My eyes have been closed for awhile, but that's because I lacked understanding of those around me... or anything around me at all... it's an idiom that's meant to tell me to...

( if he thinks about it "open his eyes" is to open them to reality, to finally make sense of the things around him that he's been ignoring this entire time... it's like removing himself from that fantasy world. that means he disappears too, right? )

...realize the truth, we all play our parts even in this layer of hell, but I understand that answer isn't satisfactory.

( he sighs, slowly removing his hand from the other's mouth. )

It's why I wanted to talk about us, and not me.

[ It does get him to shut up, resisting the urge to lift his free hand because he can't tell whether he wants to remove Komaeda's hand or hold it there.

But Komaeda is getting it, and if can, then others will surely follow. They'll stop looking away from what's going on here, and start seeing them instead. Accept that this is reality, and find reasons rather than excuses.

...

The hand lifts to touch his lips, briefly, after Komaeda moves his away. He lets his hand drop. ]

You are part of "us", though.

I know. It's why I have difficulties...

( accepting, that is. his luck doesn't allow him that luxury to be part of an "us," but here he is now... trying to be part of this construct. for komaeda, he's someone who can't take part naturally, distancing himself from one group, forcing himself into another because of provided roles. )

...The truth is before me, it depends on whether I reach for it or not, but you understand my feelings better than most. It's why... I'm not afraid of you.

( he stops, trying to catch his breath because that in itself is a lot to say, but he is afraid of his luck when he's around rokkun. these concerns crawl over him, and sometimes he thinks the other is better off not being around him. but being afraid of someone and not hurting someone is different. )

If you didn't exist, I think my life here would be different.

[ Komaeda says he understands better than most, but Rokkun still can't help but think that understanding is colored by his own hopes and wishes, having somebody at his side who...

...

He doesn't think most people are afraid of him. They should be, but they don't know— they don't see him, instead they see a classmate, a senpai, a soccer captain, a budding architect, separate coats of paint he puts on to mask what's inside. ]

I hope my existence made your life better. Yours... is why I'm still here. It's what keeps me going.

...Then let me question your existence, for a moment. ( sighs... interrupting his gay moment. ) because you died... you're here.

( which they've come to a conclusion on, that rokkun's aware of his memories, he knows what he's lost, and he'll go through graduation to to get them back once and for all. still admirable, in the end, he makes his way towards his family. )

You have... an abundance of tallies, every time I checked... they were bloody, and today, they're not as bad... it's because you hadn't been to school, so to accumulate them... you're normally present here. Did you gain them the same way I did?

( is he gorinto hopping? like time traveling, but not the real deal. also, when they get to the stairs... he's going to let rokkun's hand go so he can go up first. )

No.

[ He leaves that short, simple answer behind as he starts up the stairs, using the handrail for support like he expected, because what happened to holding his hand to help him up, huh, Komaeda? ]

I guess I've just had other things on my mind, lately.

( because komaeda had a different idea, and that's when rokkun starts up the stairs, komaeda follows behind him immediately. instead, he wraps his arms around the other's waist, and his cheek pressed against his back as if this is support. this is probably making things more difficult, but he's assisting in pushing him forward — BUT if this slows them down, komaeda will go back to taking rokkun's hand.

but!! but!!! he wanted to invade personal space. )

Hm... did you do them to yourself?

( simple yes or no questions, besides, even if they're self-inflicted, who is komaeda to say anything when he removed his entire hand. )

[ This great idea of his has Rokkun freezing on the spot in surprise, a hug from behind that makes him flush because
and anyways, it's what he would do for other people, kohai he can pick up and they can't see his face and they're in no position to hug back, and the irony doesn't escape him.

Never mind slowing them down, they're not going to move as long as Komaeda's holding onto him like this, and he's not going to get an answer with Rokkun's heart in his throat. ]

i already forgot what it was and had to look in my plurk, help

June 6th Novembertenth 20'06? rokkun got bday dementia

2006 he's from the future

well yamas timejumper theory makes a comeback in saransk

if it fits the narrative it must be right

what cant rokkun not do, hes a timejumper, a murderer, what else is he. the cat? is HE bev?

:3c

LOOKS HIM IN HIS EYES.... TURN INTO A CAT NAOW!

nyaaa

a stronger nyaa is needed to prove his gijinkaness

rokkun would be a hissy cat more than a meowy one

hes hissy to everyone else and also hissy to komaeda when he doesnt get acknowledged THEN meowy

like lily yowling for pets but she shuts up after you kiss her on the head

NOOO THATS SOOO CUTE but will rokkun shut up like lily does is the real question

try it and find out

sounds like bait whats the incentive here!!

getting rokkun to shut up

rokkun literally wasted no time

yea

rokuro "i can get a kiss out of this someway or another" arata

y......ea...............

i have... second hand embarrassment... please

me like nobody read my threads pls

what do u mean ur threads are the best part!!!

every day i open npc contact and hope nobody's looking