adsum | npc contact.1

( STOP I MEANT HIS REAL ARM HE HAS HIS MECHANICAL ONE STOP!!!! im tearing up. )

...We met a small bear cub too, I guess you were luckier than us.

( wow, didn't want to share a talent with amami huh... it's fine, not like that's a bad thing, he has to become the ultimate architect somehow. )

We didn't know where to go, so it chose for us... it and the mother.

[ npc-kun makes Komaeda buy back his own arm ]

...And how many of you survived?

[ Come to think of it, he hasn't seen the other three around yet. Maybe this is why. ]

( i been sitting here laughing about buying back his own fucking arm, that i tabbed out, came back to this, and laughed again. STOP. )

...Oh, I'm just a ghost, haven't you noticed?

[ adsflhk YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

Anyways, this is where Rokkun will come over and take Komaeda's hand so he can stop threatening the sketch. ]

No you're not. See?

( IM CRYINGGG THATS WHAT SIBLINGS DO take your stuff and make you buy it back, hopefully they had a little price tag on the pinky finger and everything )

Did I say you could touch me?

( he looks up at him, staring at their hands which he doesn't pull away, and he continues without needing an answer. )

Adams-san and Hinata-kun wanted to follow the river but... the bear chased us in the other direction... I also fed the cub, that was pretty exciting!

( that's why it chased them, but details. smetails. )

[ writes the price on the pinky finger with permanent marker and sells Komaeda an alcohol swab to wipe it off with ]

Yeah? That's different.

[ He doesn't let go of Komaeda's hand either, just sort of holds it and plays with his fingers. Is his finger still broken, what was he doing over break ]

( sciecechan's blood will be more than enough to remove the $1.99 wrote on it, he doesn't need the swab!

in my mind, i expect him to have some common decency not to grab around the swollen area that's redder than his other fingers a bit, but rokkun's stupid...

so you're right, and he lifts his other hand trying to remove the rokkun's hold from him, because it hurts, and his wrist is also in bad shape. )

It hurts when you do that... this is the wrong hand to hold... ( he looks up at him, waiting for him to obey. ) anyway, I have a story to finish.

[ why is Komaeda's arm priced like a piece of junk from the bargain bin that's gotten its price slashed three times

but anyways, yeah, Rokkun is stupid and has no decency, but he at least opens his hands so Komaeda can take his back. ]

...I already know how the story ends.

( i hope that's what npc-kun did so komaeda can get his fucking arm back for cheap!!! )

...Why did you make me speak on it if you knew?

( he sounds a little sad about that, like he didn't have to go through being so longwinded, and now it feels like rokkun's playing around with him. his hands settle onto his lap, and he sighs right after, before his eyes lift up to stare at the light brown. )

Rather, tell me, how does it end.

[ They'll trade his arm for $1.99 and a hug ]

I was hoping to hear what you thought, or how you felt.

[ Instead, it was just "this happened" and "then that happened" and Rokkun gives a shrug, because that's how story telling goes and he shouldn't be feeling disappointed ]

In the end... you're falling. And just as you land, you wake up.

( $1.99, a hug, and maybe a whole case of dragonfruit bread, and it's a deal. )

...

( what he thought? what he felt? there's many things he felt, there's a lot of things he thought, but that was him baiting, trying to find what rokkun knows. he knows enough, it seems. at the moment he feels... like he's done something wrong. )

How can you decide that when you never asked for them? My thoughts, my feelings... everything was about you then, not me.

[ Deal. They're going to ration that bread for breakfast lunch and dinner for the next month ]

Why would you say it's about me?

[ It's Komaeda's story of his summer break adventures, and the only part Rokkun's taken so far is being asked questions of what he thinks. ]

Besides, you never talk to me about your [ non-hope] thoughts and feelings.

( komaeda will be gambling at the vending machine until he's lucky enough for the dragonfruit bread. )

...It was always about you.

( why is he saying that? the fact that komaeda is even here to begin with, it had something to do with him. consciously, komaeda baits, subconsciously... this is how he shows that he cares in a way. on one hand, he feels he should have taken another route, and on the other... he doesn't even know what the other is, because to him, he's incapable of having proper feelings. his thoughts, his feelings, why would rokkun want to hear something he doesn't understand? he's always been told he was inconsiderate, but the times that he does try...

like now, it doesn't work in his favor. )

...If that's how you view me, why did you expect it now?

[ It's always about him? That doesn't make any sense, but Komaeda is hard to follow sometimes and Rokkun... doesn't really know what to think or prefer. Like that Achilles song that goes
"You crave the applause
Yet hate the attention
Then miss it, your act is a ruse" ]

I can hope, can't I? That someday you'll talk to me.

I'm talking to you now.

( yes, well, the topic was always about him, and that's why komaeda came here today. he feels like they've gotten off topic, that the avenue they're supposed to be walking side by side has a bit of construction work, and so they must take a detour. )

Do you remember, I asked for you to tell me what's on your mind... so you told me to walk you to the exit every day. That never happened. That might have been the "someday," but it's out of our reach.

( because he doubts rokkun is up to do it now, say what's on his mind, how that song of achilles verse sits in his head. ) Do you really know the end of the story I was telling you about?

[ It doesn't feel like talking— communicating— it feels more like speaking at each other and he can't even say it's all on Komaeda. He doesn't talk about his own thoughts either, doesn't have anybody to talk about that stuff with, and even when Komaeda asks, it's hard to tell if he cares.

Even right now, when he's thinking of so much that they're all jumbled in his head, he doesn't know how to voice it, staring down at the skeletons of buildings on his paper. ]

...I'm a child walking through the forest. It's dark, and I'm trying to get home. I come across a cairn, but can't tell which way to follow it... I always choose the wrong direction. At the end of the path is a den, and a— [ ... ] ...There's pain. In my chest, on my side, and I'm running until I'm out of breath. Then the world disappears beneath my feet. And I wake up.

[ He looks up, and over at Komaeda. ]

It's a dream I've been having for the past few nights.

...

( that chance to understand, to communicate was such a long time ago, that even now the way they talk just feels like... them. komaeda doesn't understand feelings, but he tends to understand how people are at the moment.

the story however, it's familiar, one that could fill in the gaps. wasn't he supposed to be playing, but in this version he was lost. couldn't find his way back home, stumbled upon a... )

Suffering from nightmares, Hinata-kun used to tell me the same thing. It was my fault, though.

( he stands up, looking at the other, he can't tell whether rokkun's mad, or if he's disappointed, or if komaeda was right and he thinks differently now. )

My story, and your story... there's a few differences. ( many. ) Close your eyes.

[ Komaeda would give people nightmares.

It's an idle thought that passes through his head, a twinge of envy and then snuffed out. He's good at forgetting, and does his best to look forward at all times instead of behind him, but it's hard to forget dreams that come night after night.

It's hard to close his eyes without hesitating for a moment first, lids sliding shut and in the darkness he can still see that giant gnarled tree, the carcasses in its hollow, the eyes that caught his and had rooted him to the spot just long enough. ]

( he doesn't look peaceful with his eyes closed, and komaeda's eyes are sharp as he watches him. like he's waiting for something to change, and yet it never comes. )

Those lights from before were souls... I didn't feel a thing.

( if rokkun wants to hear about how heartless komaeda is, how he's the worst for not caring about much. then he can admit this. ) What was I? When all lights extinguish...

( he reaches out, grabbing rokkun's hand, holding it up between them. he doesn't check on his tallies, he instead is trying to pull back rokkun's fingers so he can expose his palm. )

Aren't I a horrible person?

[ The fingers in that fist reflexively curl in surprise before relaxing again, and Rokkun almost opens his eyes but squeezes his eyes shut tighter, because when somebody asks you to close their eyes, there's that unspoken "until I tell you to open them"

Little lights in the darkness are a better image to focus on than what he had before. It reminds him of fireflies in the forest at night, catching them and keeping them in a jar and the next day they'd be dead, suffocated. The only feeling then would be disappointment, which is somehow worse than nothing at all.

Yes. No. Both answers are on the tip of his tongue. What happened to death being a stepping stone? ]

...It's because they were just lights. Strangers in a crowd... When you get to know somebody, though, and see them, give them importance, you'll feel it when their light is extinguished.

( strangers in a crowd? then they were all nobodies to komaeda, parts of the world that held no meaning whatsoever, but that could have been different for everyone else. as for komaeda, each one of those lights... )

I was excited to crush them, I didn't have the luxury of experiencing something so simple. How I felt... ( because death is a stepping stone, and no matter if he's wrong or if he's right — he abides by hope, so he's always been... good. ) I enjoyed myself!

( and because they were souls with no actual form for him to care about, he would have sniped others if given the chance. )

To be seen isn't anything like seeing, to notice someone... they stand out compared to the rest. ...If that's true, out of all those lights, the one that stood out first was... you.

( glad that rokkun knows the rules to keeping his eyes shut until komaeda says so, because he's going to start by looking under his wristband to check his tallies as he speaks. this way he doesn't have to see komaeda doing it, but he sure as hell will feel it. )

Let's sneak out tonight, they won't be the same, but lights are lights. You weren't there when we saw them at first, but we can see them together.

[ Like a little kid squashing ants under their thumb on the pavement, is what comes to mind when Komaeda says he enjoyed extinguishing the lights. ...He's not sure what to think when he's compared to a light himself, one that stood out and was noticed.

The wristband lifts just enough for Komaeda to catch a glimpse of the inner wrist— still covered with innumerable cuts both deep and shallow, old and new, but none so new that they're actively bleeding like they were last time. That's as much as he gets before Rokkun both pulls his left arm back, and grips Komaeda's wrist with his right, not needing to see to know where his hand is. ]

Stop. [ ... Slowly, he lets go of Komaeda's wrist. ] We can watch the stars from the roof. But that's as close as you and I will be able to see that together.

Would you like to see mine, I've looked at yours time and time again... ah wait, here.

( he pauses, because his own arm is still tender from the new set he acquired from rokkun's memory, a twisted reminder of what the other has left on him. as rokkun let's go of his wrist, komaeda's slowly digging in his pocket as he they converse, watching as the other keeps his eyes closed. good boy! he pulls out the wishing rock that he obtained, and he sets it down into the male's hand. cold fingers push against rokkun's own, hoping it's enough to make him hold the item tight in his grasp. )

We may not be able to wish on any stars, but if we use this... we can give you sweet dreams, at least for once.

( the stars are as much as they can see, and he wants to comment about his own concerns while going, but... maybe they'll be lucky, and none of them will shift through the sky. it makes his stomach turn uncomfortably despite the fact he suggested it, and he chuckles softly because if he has someone else to focus on, it shouldn't be that bad. )

If not, stabbing myself can work, too.

[ He doesn't particularly care to see, but he doesn't get the chance to say so before the stone is set in his hand, and he immediately recognizes the shape and the heft for what it is, for how long he had held onto his.

Wishing his nightmares away would be a waste, but he can't help but feel comforted by the fact that Komaeda would waste a wish on him. ]

How would stabbing yourself work? [ He wants to open his eyes SO BAD so he can squint at Komaeda for this stupid idea ] As if watching you hurt yourself doesn't give me nightmares as it is.

...It shouldn't hurt you, Rokkun.

( can he say that when he saw rokkun hurt not once, but twice... how it felt like nails and wires dug into his heart, an uncomfortable feeling that he tries to forget. he could wonder if the other gets those, or if komaeda's breaking a little... not too sure how to parse such an itch in his chest. probably not, he suffers from the same arrangement of simple troubles that happen to be nightmares. )

I can guarantee you something at the cost of my life, or just inflicting pain on myself. It'll hurt, but if it's to help your hope, to give you at least one night without those terrors. Wouldn't that grow our bond, give you strength for another day?

( he has the rock, and still didn't even open his eyes... he has dog energy. )

I can even do it while your eyes are shut, then you'd never know!

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