adsum | npc contact.1

( a long time ago, upon his death, he said he wanted to be their foundation's hope, he wanted to be praised, to have his words carried on for everything he did. erect a bronze statue, respect him, call him ultimate hope — to linger after, he would have to be that, but he has no hope inside of him, nothing noteworthy anyway. hope is a very serious issue with him, even as his heart skips a beat at the thought to think he's doing his job properly as a stepping stone, he taps his chin. )

I want to be used by specific people to encourage the hopes of others, even after all my work... some won't budge.

( he sighs, dejected at the thought, the things they could make him do, what he'd do... kill, die, it's endless. )

Whose hope have I assisted with the longest?

( considering how their schools years are stretched, and how komaeda met some of these people for the first time... but there's his dementia, so memories are a loss for him to go by. )

[ He wanted a bronze statue???? why am i losing my mind over this ]

Resistance is also part of keeping you in mind. Don't lose heart over that.

[ The harder they push back, the greater his effect. The ones he should watch out for are the ones that go "uh huh, okay" aka Minato, probably. ]

As for the longest... It would be the people who've known you the longest, or believe they do. Impact doesn't need to be all at once. Time has its effect as well.

( yes HE'S SO FUCKING STUPID?? i think it was bronze, i'm crying. he's a simple man who wanted simple things. i went to go rewatch the scene and teared up again, sighs. )

I won't... ( his brows knit together, he would NEVER give up on being used. ) it's why I keep working, because to help their hope... to see them prevail. I'd be disappointed if they couldn't do what's important...

( minato's hope is probably very shiny, komaeda will be working on that one with elizabeth's approval of course. )

Believe they do? ( siiiiiiighs, crossing his arms. ) Since it's about me, you can say who... who believes they've known me the longest.

( counselor should know??? he knows everything??? )

[ Komaeda: I am nothing, I am trash
also Komaeda: erect a bronze statue of me when I die
??? ]

Since it involves others, I cannot name names. You know who I'm talking about. I don't need to spell it out for you.

( sometimes k wording yourself really change the perspective and you wanna be god, and have a statue. he probably still feels that way, lbr. )

You don't, but you can confirm that nothing he knows about me is me... ( he knew that, and yet, this is unlucky. ) ...where did his obsession come from?

( if the komaeda in his head is just his belief, how did komaeda even affect him like a disease. )

One's belief is their reality, and memory... is a very fragile thing.

[ Malleable. Delicious. ]

The origin shouldn't matter to you, when you have the present and future to contend with.

So he's an idiot in the end...

( and that hope of his is fake... the way i was like is counselor a dream-eating baku, yes that one vocaloid song came to mind... and then i realized it's memories.

he sighs, how boring. )

It doesn't, but if it involves me, you're allowed to say, right?

Yes he is.

[ Won't deny that. ]

He isn't somebody you need to waste your efforts on. He will make it to graduation on his own merit, but whether or not he graduates... we'll see.

( his brain is kind of sizzling right now, give him a moment.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok hope again. )

As long as there's hope, I have to take part... I love it that much.

( he pauses, finding his place back on the desk to sit. even if rokkun's hope is fake, it's not like komaeda has ever loved real hope, he fell for the one manmade. )

If you don't want me to waste my time, you must not waste your own on him... is that it?

[ DW inbox couldn't handle Komaeda's moment ]

That's right. He doesn't need me nor you. From the start, he had been set on walking his path alone.

( IM LAUGHING SO HARD HELPPPP it's just his selective dementia at work that's all!! )

...

( he hears him, his hands settling in his lap as he allows his thoughts to wander. forget about him, not waste his time on him, and just let him go so he can walk his path alone. komaeda has never done as other people told him, acting on his own decisions until he comes to it alone, but this would be the perfect opportunity to keep him out of any messes. )

...If he was to walk his path alone, did I intervene?

( did he play god? )

People intervene in every person they cross paths with, just by existing.

[ you're not god, you're not special, etc ]

That's how living works.

( he's cute as god... give him a chance. )

...And dying.

( because he feels like dying every day, actually, but he can't even give that. is he disappointed in this discussion or maybe, he's just tired because it was the obvious in the end? with a sigh, he gently traces his tallies through his sleeve as he looks at the counselor. )

I want us to do something for them anyway, you want to see what they have to offer... don't you? Some can handle it, but a few others... are being overwatered.

( have to be careful tending to those. )

Sometimes dying has a greater impact than living... But unlike you, I won't be dying anytime soon. I can afford to have patience and restraint.

[ maybe if Komaeda weren't terminal he'd have some chill? ]

I'm aware.

( dying having a great impact, that's his middle name, next to hypocrite. )

Saying it like that... am I dying soon, if I do... I want my death to mean something towards their hope.

( that said, mr. i won't be dying anytime soon, komaeda's going to give his lazy, half attention. ) How long have you been alive?

A while.

[ Many years! He's a real adult, thanks. ]

( closes my eyes opens my eyes i see where rokkun gets the awhile from, crying. )

When's your birthday, I should get to understand my counselor... as you could tell, I never had one before.

( how will he feel comfortable with these gaps between them?? and what do you mean a real adult? komaeda adult too... kind of!! )

You're edging the line to personal territory, Komaeda.

[ A birthday's not going to help anybody understand him, not unless Komaeda's into astrology all of a sudden. ]

Understanding me is unnecessary. I am here to help students understand themselves. A mirror, nothing more.

That means I haven't tripped over the line. So I'm still within the realm of where it's okay, so come now... when were you born?

( he claps his hands together, loud enough in hopes to be annoying, but also get his attention. there's no need to be shy, komaeda has a birthday a few months ago. )

Does that mean you too can be shattered? ...I don't think I've ever had a mirror that could last. ( sighs ) You'll get many years of bad luck associating with me.

[ He just smiles at the question, because as long as they stay questions, Komaeda will stay on his side of the line and the counselor on his, picking and choosing what he answers and what he keeps. ]

How unfortunate for me, receiving the bad luck when I'm the one shattering. But don't worry, it will not be you who shatters me. There is no hope to be gained from getting rid of a person who may still hold answers.

( "how unfortunate" indeed, if only komaeda could say something like that, but that's basically his life after all. he inhales, holding it for a bit, then exhaling as if he's put serious thought into what the counselor has said. to be honest, he didn't. )

I've asked for your birthday, and you ignored that...

( komaeda'll come back to that, as for now... shattering someone with answers would be bad, but if he looks at this from how shattering glass is how they get to the real world... it doesn't sound like a bad idea. )

That girl... our sacrifice to hope... some people seem to mourn her death despite not knowing anything about her...

[ Ignoring that comment about his birthday—- ]

Yes. Some people have something called empathy.

[ Most people would feel something at the loss of a life, even that of a passing stranger. Sometimes, those are the people who show up at his door; other times, it's those who do not. The counselor looks at Komaeda evenly. He's always been more interested in the latter. ]

( empathy, it's not like komaeda lacks that despite not understand how people feel, he knows how he himself feels when it comes to hope. he knows how he should feel when he has to work hard to ensure the hope of others prosper, and as long as he feels that... it's sort of like empathy, right? )

It's such a waste, thinking about those who pass when they're a stepping stone built for their future... for their hope.

( when he started that fire to draw someone in, he didn't care who it was, didn't know who'd come actually. it didn't have to be her, but she was the one chosen as the hurdle for those who remained stagnate at the start of this. with her death being the reason they couldn't sit still, they'd need to deal with the obstacle — her corpse — accordingly to figure out how to proceed. once they did that, they came together to form unique bonds, certain relationships that others are attached to, and that's thanks to their hopeful sacrifice. )

While she's more useful dead than alive... she doesn't warrant their attention, or rather... their empathy.

( because komaeda believes there's more important things to focus on. )

Does she have to? People who empathize, they do because they're empathetic, regardless of whether the other person warrants anything. In this world... in any world, really... people don't always get what they deserve.

[ "You don't have to deserve it" is what Chiaki always said too.

People are free to do what they want, regardless of whether they'll act on those impulses, and it's something the counselor finds himself reminding people more often than necessary. Maybe because this place is designed as a school. ]

( don't give komaeda throwbacks like that especially when she's gone, and his eyes slowly blink as he takes in what's said to him. he hums in thought, lifting his head as he looks up at the ceiling. )

Lingering attachments are no good, but if them mourning over her death is enough to carry them over the next hurdle... I guess it's fine.

( it'd be no good if they were stuck in one place, crying, sobbing over someone they hardly knew — besides, who knows... she could have hated them all, despised them, but komaeda doesn't really care about that. everyone else here, however, seems to. afraid of being rejected, or hated by their peers because they fear the negative consequences that'll come from it... but those are people with innocent hearts, the select few who believe nothing bad has to happen in order to create hope between them... and that working together without a little push is all they need. )

I'm empathetic. ( no, he's really not ) But I don't cry over her death, I wonder why...

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