adsum | npc contact.1

[ There will be no closure, she'd just raise terror after learning what y'all did with Izumi's body, Hajun's made into a liar and she can't believe she let him have Izumi ]

You ask that as if I don't cry or feel sad.

[ Whether or not he possesses real empathy is neither here nor there, though. Going back to feelings, ]

Many people become desensitized to their feelings... Negative or positive, what they're submerged in becomes their norm. For you, who's lived a life of hardship, hope is blindingly bright. For others... I've seen what impact negative feelings can have.

[ He smiles a little, then realizes he maybe shouldn't be smiling at something like this and then stops. ]

Tell me one, I'm interested. You must have a story in mind, I've always enjoyed a good book.

( now komaeda's not going to judge him on what he's smiling about, because who knows, perhaps those bring back pleasant memories for him. what negative feelings are able to do, but the last display that komaeda saw had to be... chiaki and rika, and he's not too pleased with the latter. )

Considering you've seen a lot here, almost aware of everything that's going on.

( almost because he doesn't know how omniscient his counselor may be, but he'll say things like this to see if he's corrected or not. all he knows is that he's aware when someone kills, and he buys his time by patiently waiting for them to be found out. )

You know I can't talk about the other students.

[ Like he's said many times and will say ad nauseam no matter how much somebody tries to get him to slip. Well. Talk directly, anyways. ]

If what you seek are stories, perhaps it's best we end our session here. Talking with your peers would serve to be more fruitful on that front, and the third years especially should have their share of stories. Most do pass through my door by the time for graduation.

Don't be that way, I only asked considering you smiled at the thought of it...

( it must have been interesting, though, to hear he has been casted away is very on brand with everything else. though, he's pegged komaeda as the wrong sort of person to go out there and talk to them, which he could, but he doesn't see a reason. the idea wasn't one until the counselor made it so. ) It was the first time I've seen you regret making the expression.

( he'll get back on subject: )

Forgive me, I just wanted to know what touching stories you've had from a few underdogs who are... no longer here. Some of them are capable of enabling hope, building a foundation for them to lean on... As an example, the girl who was a stepping stone, she's no longer here, but her story shared to others will motivate, helping them release a brighter light that others can flutter to... like a moth to a flame, they'll find comfort in understanding that a few deaths is the only way to creating hope.

Is it the only way? That girl... she managed to make it to her third year without bloodying her hands. I've never gotten the pleasure of meeting her, but she made me curious all the same.

[ Curiosity isn't as strong as hope, but they can be in line with one another. What would this school have been like under her rule, rather than Maya's quiet and self-serving one? There's no point of thinking about it now. ]

It's why she wasn't prepared... had she attempted one herself, she could have avoided such a circumstance. It's valuable information to act, because her own kill could have been used as a stepping stone for the future... alas...

( it's her fault for not killing in the first place to know that she could become a victim herself and avoid it. yes, but komaeda will mask this so that it was the right choice in the end because with her death, they've been given... maya arisu who gave ishimaru a second chance to redeem himself to the masses. komaeda isn't upset with her at all, despite she's a little closed off than most. )

She was lucky... ( he fiddles with the sleeve of his right arm, but not to show off his tallies. all he could think about is that she was his seventh, so that makes her special in some way. )

I noticed she lacked them... I forged a few tallies on her, and the group accepted her as one of them... some of them really are stupid.

( long, depressive sigh, but he understands they're trying. )

[ nms that concerned komaeda icon is so unnerving somehow ]

Yes, they are. But they're learning... or will learn. There are some who still don't know, aren't there? About the tallies.

( he might just snap, i've been flipping coins waiting. )

...Yep.

( when it comes to hope, komaeda has to play fair on both sides, but it's not like counselor can do anything with the information from how he acts. )

Sato-san revealed what they meant at one point, but only to a select few, and it was kept hidden from most of the group.

( it didn't bother him not knowing from them, he was already aware, and thankfully because of that he was able to tend to their hope. he did have to play dumb when overhearing mentions of tallies, or talking about them, things like that. )

Is the first tally referred to as the "gateway", or is that something I can ignore? When spoken to me, it seemed like something special happened on the first... but I'm seven tallies too far, and memory too short to even know.

[ The term makes the counselor laugh, but it's short lived, amusement out of surprise more than genuine humor. ]

Now, who called it that? How apt... I suppose it can be seen as such, in the same way one regards their first shot of cocaine, their first time having sex, their first kill... There will undoubtedly be something special about it, something that changes a person.

Pleasant descriptors, I can see the energy you're portraying for me.

( he guesses that's a nice way of putting it, but komaeda gets the idea, or he guesses how important it must have been to rokkun at the time... he does act like his life was changed from the start, and then when komaeda remembers the countless cuts... )

I was wondering if the term came from you, it almost makes him sound like a fanboy when he gives it a little name like that... ( at least someone can find humor out of this. ) You're aware of the third year that I'm familiar with... the soccer team captain.

[ I'm constantly reminded of this post, this is Rokkun ]

Former. Soccer team captain. I know who you're talking about.

( not his lil drink of water before he goes to kill a man stopppp. this also reminds me of him. )

...

( "former", he's going to ignore that. )

I'm surprised he hasn't spoken to you about it, he does seem rather fond of its meaning considering it changed his whole view.

[ He's a good kid... what went wrong... ]

Perhaps it's because it's me. There are people who do not trust counselors, or believe talking is worth their time. I can only help people who let me, and although I extend invitations to my office, they can say as little as they want and are free to leave whenever they want.

( looks off... what did he do to get like that... whose fault was that... )

He must be wary of you... I wonder what terrifies him.

( well komaeda is different from rokkun, so it makes sense why he probably says less — komaeda agrees that maybe rokkun doesn't trust him. he also thinks that rokkun doesn't speak more than what's necessary. can't fault him for that, but it does make one wonder who does he really trust in this place.

there's this long pause, not that he's hesitant, but it's like... he still has a few reservations about himself when it comes to rokkun. )

He likes when people look him in his eyes... probably for serious conversation, but you do that as well... whatever it is, he told me once... I was there for three ( going off my memory which is probably bad, so dementia be on komaeda's side ) of his marks, physically that is.

( mentally? well, komaeda can guess what that means. ) I wasn't there for the "gateway", so I thought you'd have information.

[ We're going with his dementia on this one but it doesn't matter because he runs into that same roadblock: ]

I can't discuss other students with you, Komaeda.

[ He does look up at Komaeda and holds his gaze, though, just like he mentioned. With Rokkun, it feels more like he's trying to hold you there so you can't run away; with the counselor, it feels more like he's searching for something inside, rather than the person in front of him. The effect is the same, maybe. ]

Why is it important for you to know?

That's a first, I haven't heard that before!

( i'm glad you noticed his dementia having ass, because i cry every time i have to do this to him. )

He's not just an other student... he's my...

( can easily tell komaeda doesn't want to say this because it's not even going to help with making the counselor budge, so it sounds stupid. ) partner in crime.

( ... as he says that, he seems a little tired, bothered by the connotation considering his own fault awhile back. it's only for a moment as he watches the counselor's eyes. he holds his stare without dropping it, but it's easy to see that komaeda looks through the counselor and talks at him, rather than talking to him. )

Hope is always important to me.

[ It sounds very stupid, and the counselor laughs that same laugh of amusement he did at the mention of a gateway, as if listening to the dramatic ramblings of a child. ]

His words, not yours, I assume? ...He has hope, but he's not your hope. And how can he be your partner if you aren't working together?

( doesn't it, this is what rokkun has put komaeda through. )

He hates me, that's why he won't explain anything or what made us partners.

( this may be him being dramatic, but since counselor is such a good listener. )

You're my mirror, so wouldn't you know best?

[ He nods like he gets it, that makes sense, Rokuro is the type to hate people and proceed to say nothing about anything. He takes after a certain somebody. ]

Mirrors don't know shit. They're just there to reflect.

[ He's not going to be helpful in any Rokkun lore. Komaeda's just going to have to talk to the people involved if he wants to know about other students. ]

( damn pop-n-law... ain't have to be like that, it's fine. )

You shouldn't talk so low about yourself, didn't you say it yourself... you still have answers?

( counselor isn't allowed to talk down about himself, only komaeda can be doing that because that's his god given right. )

A mirror shouldn't speak, but... you do.

[ He really doesn't want to explain the concept of metaphors right now, so he just smiles like that's an adequate answer. ]

I do. Speaking and listening is the easiest way of understanding. Despite what others might think or say... that's all I want.

I can see what you mean, but there's another option that works just as well as speaking and listening.

( a third route for someone to take, it's drastic, but it gets the meaning across considering he's done it once. it's unfortunate his switchblade was taken from him, but he can vaguely remember the exact damage he inflicted onto his hands and legs during that self-sacrifice. he sighs, looking at the palm of his organic arm as he can envision stabbing the blade into his flesh, no different from when he stabbed his arm to assist saihara — he seems too focused on the area before lifting his eyes back up to watch the counselor with a small smile. )

What do you think it is?

( is he waiting for a serious answer? well... )

[ Komaeda stabbing himself is the opposite of understanding, please, ]

Mind reading.

[ Or, as Stephanie likes to imagine, memory stealing. ]

...No, you're really bad at this.

( komaeda's never going to be normal and you know this, i'm crying, but at least counselor can deal with him... )

Is that something you can do as well, parse my thoughts...?

( he doubts it since he already failed with the stabbing attempt, but you know, sometimes we don't get what we want. )

Not in the way you're imagining. Besides, sharing in one's unfiltered thoughts is a real headache.

[ He would not want to, and there's no meaning if he takes what he wants rather than accept what's offered freely. ]

What's that third option? You're going to have to give me a hint, since I'm really bad at this.

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