adsum | npc contact.1

Yes he is.

[ Won't deny that. ]

He isn't somebody you need to waste your efforts on. He will make it to graduation on his own merit, but whether or not he graduates... we'll see.

( his brain is kind of sizzling right now, give him a moment.

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ok hope again. )

As long as there's hope, I have to take part... I love it that much.

( he pauses, finding his place back on the desk to sit. even if rokkun's hope is fake, it's not like komaeda has ever loved real hope, he fell for the one manmade. )

If you don't want me to waste my time, you must not waste your own on him... is that it?

[ DW inbox couldn't handle Komaeda's moment ]

That's right. He doesn't need me nor you. From the start, he had been set on walking his path alone.

( IM LAUGHING SO HARD HELPPPP it's just his selective dementia at work that's all!! )

...

( he hears him, his hands settling in his lap as he allows his thoughts to wander. forget about him, not waste his time on him, and just let him go so he can walk his path alone. komaeda has never done as other people told him, acting on his own decisions until he comes to it alone, but this would be the perfect opportunity to keep him out of any messes. )

...If he was to walk his path alone, did I intervene?

( did he play god? )

People intervene in every person they cross paths with, just by existing.

[ you're not god, you're not special, etc ]

That's how living works.

( he's cute as god... give him a chance. )

...And dying.

( because he feels like dying every day, actually, but he can't even give that. is he disappointed in this discussion or maybe, he's just tired because it was the obvious in the end? with a sigh, he gently traces his tallies through his sleeve as he looks at the counselor. )

I want us to do something for them anyway, you want to see what they have to offer... don't you? Some can handle it, but a few others... are being overwatered.

( have to be careful tending to those. )

Sometimes dying has a greater impact than living... But unlike you, I won't be dying anytime soon. I can afford to have patience and restraint.

[ maybe if Komaeda weren't terminal he'd have some chill? ]

I'm aware.

( dying having a great impact, that's his middle name, next to hypocrite. )

Saying it like that... am I dying soon, if I do... I want my death to mean something towards their hope.

( that said, mr. i won't be dying anytime soon, komaeda's going to give his lazy, half attention. ) How long have you been alive?

A while.

[ Many years! He's a real adult, thanks. ]

( closes my eyes opens my eyes i see where rokkun gets the awhile from, crying. )

When's your birthday, I should get to understand my counselor... as you could tell, I never had one before.

( how will he feel comfortable with these gaps between them?? and what do you mean a real adult? komaeda adult too... kind of!! )

You're edging the line to personal territory, Komaeda.

[ A birthday's not going to help anybody understand him, not unless Komaeda's into astrology all of a sudden. ]

Understanding me is unnecessary. I am here to help students understand themselves. A mirror, nothing more.

That means I haven't tripped over the line. So I'm still within the realm of where it's okay, so come now... when were you born?

( he claps his hands together, loud enough in hopes to be annoying, but also get his attention. there's no need to be shy, komaeda has a birthday a few months ago. )

Does that mean you too can be shattered? ...I don't think I've ever had a mirror that could last. ( sighs ) You'll get many years of bad luck associating with me.

[ He just smiles at the question, because as long as they stay questions, Komaeda will stay on his side of the line and the counselor on his, picking and choosing what he answers and what he keeps. ]

How unfortunate for me, receiving the bad luck when I'm the one shattering. But don't worry, it will not be you who shatters me. There is no hope to be gained from getting rid of a person who may still hold answers.

( "how unfortunate" indeed, if only komaeda could say something like that, but that's basically his life after all. he inhales, holding it for a bit, then exhaling as if he's put serious thought into what the counselor has said. to be honest, he didn't. )

I've asked for your birthday, and you ignored that...

( komaeda'll come back to that, as for now... shattering someone with answers would be bad, but if he looks at this from how shattering glass is how they get to the real world... it doesn't sound like a bad idea. )

That girl... our sacrifice to hope... some people seem to mourn her death despite not knowing anything about her...

[ Ignoring that comment about his birthday—- ]

Yes. Some people have something called empathy.

[ Most people would feel something at the loss of a life, even that of a passing stranger. Sometimes, those are the people who show up at his door; other times, it's those who do not. The counselor looks at Komaeda evenly. He's always been more interested in the latter. ]

( empathy, it's not like komaeda lacks that despite not understand how people feel, he knows how he himself feels when it comes to hope. he knows how he should feel when he has to work hard to ensure the hope of others prosper, and as long as he feels that... it's sort of like empathy, right? )

It's such a waste, thinking about those who pass when they're a stepping stone built for their future... for their hope.

( when he started that fire to draw someone in, he didn't care who it was, didn't know who'd come actually. it didn't have to be her, but she was the one chosen as the hurdle for those who remained stagnate at the start of this. with her death being the reason they couldn't sit still, they'd need to deal with the obstacle — her corpse — accordingly to figure out how to proceed. once they did that, they came together to form unique bonds, certain relationships that others are attached to, and that's thanks to their hopeful sacrifice. )

While she's more useful dead than alive... she doesn't warrant their attention, or rather... their empathy.

( because komaeda believes there's more important things to focus on. )

Does she have to? People who empathize, they do because they're empathetic, regardless of whether the other person warrants anything. In this world... in any world, really... people don't always get what they deserve.

[ "You don't have to deserve it" is what Chiaki always said too.

People are free to do what they want, regardless of whether they'll act on those impulses, and it's something the counselor finds himself reminding people more often than necessary. Maybe because this place is designed as a school. ]

( don't give komaeda throwbacks like that especially when she's gone, and his eyes slowly blink as he takes in what's said to him. he hums in thought, lifting his head as he looks up at the ceiling. )

Lingering attachments are no good, but if them mourning over her death is enough to carry them over the next hurdle... I guess it's fine.

( it'd be no good if they were stuck in one place, crying, sobbing over someone they hardly knew — besides, who knows... she could have hated them all, despised them, but komaeda doesn't really care about that. everyone else here, however, seems to. afraid of being rejected, or hated by their peers because they fear the negative consequences that'll come from it... but those are people with innocent hearts, the select few who believe nothing bad has to happen in order to create hope between them... and that working together without a little push is all they need. )

I'm empathetic. ( no, he's really not ) But I don't cry over her death, I wonder why...

[ I have so much to say about Chiaki but that path is closed now. ]

Do you feel like you have to? Cry or feel sad or any of that? Is that something you even want?

[ There are people who don't, and those people are called sociopaths, but that's okay too. If by "okay" you mean "they exist and that's how it is," the same way cockroaches and kudzu are "okay" ]

( not if her soul talks to them one last time, i think komaeda deserves that closure one day... or unless she haunts dreams, that sounds like a way to reopen the path. )

Huh? ...Let me think.

( he thinks about it... bro he didn't even cry when rokkun was on the verge of death, does he look like he want to cry for someone he doesn't know? )

Nope, I don't care about her aside from being grateful for what she did for the group... she was a marvelous stepping stone, they all worked hard.

( but if he listens to what counselor says in general then... ) Negative feelings aren't as impactful, I'm too happy about hope to allow that to weigh me down. Do you want to cry or feel sad ( yes he's parroting ) or any of that?

[ There will be no closure, she'd just raise terror after learning what y'all did with Izumi's body, Hajun's made into a liar and she can't believe she let him have Izumi ]

You ask that as if I don't cry or feel sad.

[ Whether or not he possesses real empathy is neither here nor there, though. Going back to feelings, ]

Many people become desensitized to their feelings... Negative or positive, what they're submerged in becomes their norm. For you, who's lived a life of hardship, hope is blindingly bright. For others... I've seen what impact negative feelings can have.

[ He smiles a little, then realizes he maybe shouldn't be smiling at something like this and then stops. ]

Tell me one, I'm interested. You must have a story in mind, I've always enjoyed a good book.

( now komaeda's not going to judge him on what he's smiling about, because who knows, perhaps those bring back pleasant memories for him. what negative feelings are able to do, but the last display that komaeda saw had to be... chiaki and rika, and he's not too pleased with the latter. )

Considering you've seen a lot here, almost aware of everything that's going on.

( almost because he doesn't know how omniscient his counselor may be, but he'll say things like this to see if he's corrected or not. all he knows is that he's aware when someone kills, and he buys his time by patiently waiting for them to be found out. )

You know I can't talk about the other students.

[ Like he's said many times and will say ad nauseam no matter how much somebody tries to get him to slip. Well. Talk directly, anyways. ]

If what you seek are stories, perhaps it's best we end our session here. Talking with your peers would serve to be more fruitful on that front, and the third years especially should have their share of stories. Most do pass through my door by the time for graduation.

Don't be that way, I only asked considering you smiled at the thought of it...

( it must have been interesting, though, to hear he has been casted away is very on brand with everything else. though, he's pegged komaeda as the wrong sort of person to go out there and talk to them, which he could, but he doesn't see a reason. the idea wasn't one until the counselor made it so. ) It was the first time I've seen you regret making the expression.

( he'll get back on subject: )

Forgive me, I just wanted to know what touching stories you've had from a few underdogs who are... no longer here. Some of them are capable of enabling hope, building a foundation for them to lean on... As an example, the girl who was a stepping stone, she's no longer here, but her story shared to others will motivate, helping them release a brighter light that others can flutter to... like a moth to a flame, they'll find comfort in understanding that a few deaths is the only way to creating hope.

Is it the only way? That girl... she managed to make it to her third year without bloodying her hands. I've never gotten the pleasure of meeting her, but she made me curious all the same.

[ Curiosity isn't as strong as hope, but they can be in line with one another. What would this school have been like under her rule, rather than Maya's quiet and self-serving one? There's no point of thinking about it now. ]

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