adsum | npc contact.1

( closes my eyes opens my eyes i see where rokkun gets the awhile from, crying. )

When's your birthday, I should get to understand my counselor... as you could tell, I never had one before.

( how will he feel comfortable with these gaps between them?? and what do you mean a real adult? komaeda adult too... kind of!! )

You're edging the line to personal territory, Komaeda.

[ A birthday's not going to help anybody understand him, not unless Komaeda's into astrology all of a sudden. ]

Understanding me is unnecessary. I am here to help students understand themselves. A mirror, nothing more.

That means I haven't tripped over the line. So I'm still within the realm of where it's okay, so come now... when were you born?

( he claps his hands together, loud enough in hopes to be annoying, but also get his attention. there's no need to be shy, komaeda has a birthday a few months ago. )

Does that mean you too can be shattered? ...I don't think I've ever had a mirror that could last. ( sighs ) You'll get many years of bad luck associating with me.

[ He just smiles at the question, because as long as they stay questions, Komaeda will stay on his side of the line and the counselor on his, picking and choosing what he answers and what he keeps. ]

How unfortunate for me, receiving the bad luck when I'm the one shattering. But don't worry, it will not be you who shatters me. There is no hope to be gained from getting rid of a person who may still hold answers.

( "how unfortunate" indeed, if only komaeda could say something like that, but that's basically his life after all. he inhales, holding it for a bit, then exhaling as if he's put serious thought into what the counselor has said. to be honest, he didn't. )

I've asked for your birthday, and you ignored that...

( komaeda'll come back to that, as for now... shattering someone with answers would be bad, but if he looks at this from how shattering glass is how they get to the real world... it doesn't sound like a bad idea. )

That girl... our sacrifice to hope... some people seem to mourn her death despite not knowing anything about her...

[ Ignoring that comment about his birthday—- ]

Yes. Some people have something called empathy.

[ Most people would feel something at the loss of a life, even that of a passing stranger. Sometimes, those are the people who show up at his door; other times, it's those who do not. The counselor looks at Komaeda evenly. He's always been more interested in the latter. ]

( empathy, it's not like komaeda lacks that despite not understand how people feel, he knows how he himself feels when it comes to hope. he knows how he should feel when he has to work hard to ensure the hope of others prosper, and as long as he feels that... it's sort of like empathy, right? )

It's such a waste, thinking about those who pass when they're a stepping stone built for their future... for their hope.

( when he started that fire to draw someone in, he didn't care who it was, didn't know who'd come actually. it didn't have to be her, but she was the one chosen as the hurdle for those who remained stagnate at the start of this. with her death being the reason they couldn't sit still, they'd need to deal with the obstacle — her corpse — accordingly to figure out how to proceed. once they did that, they came together to form unique bonds, certain relationships that others are attached to, and that's thanks to their hopeful sacrifice. )

While she's more useful dead than alive... she doesn't warrant their attention, or rather... their empathy.

( because komaeda believes there's more important things to focus on. )

Does she have to? People who empathize, they do because they're empathetic, regardless of whether the other person warrants anything. In this world... in any world, really... people don't always get what they deserve.

[ "You don't have to deserve it" is what Chiaki always said too.

People are free to do what they want, regardless of whether they'll act on those impulses, and it's something the counselor finds himself reminding people more often than necessary. Maybe because this place is designed as a school. ]

( don't give komaeda throwbacks like that especially when she's gone, and his eyes slowly blink as he takes in what's said to him. he hums in thought, lifting his head as he looks up at the ceiling. )

Lingering attachments are no good, but if them mourning over her death is enough to carry them over the next hurdle... I guess it's fine.

( it'd be no good if they were stuck in one place, crying, sobbing over someone they hardly knew — besides, who knows... she could have hated them all, despised them, but komaeda doesn't really care about that. everyone else here, however, seems to. afraid of being rejected, or hated by their peers because they fear the negative consequences that'll come from it... but those are people with innocent hearts, the select few who believe nothing bad has to happen in order to create hope between them... and that working together without a little push is all they need. )

I'm empathetic. ( no, he's really not ) But I don't cry over her death, I wonder why...

[ I have so much to say about Chiaki but that path is closed now. ]

Do you feel like you have to? Cry or feel sad or any of that? Is that something you even want?

[ There are people who don't, and those people are called sociopaths, but that's okay too. If by "okay" you mean "they exist and that's how it is," the same way cockroaches and kudzu are "okay" ]

( not if her soul talks to them one last time, i think komaeda deserves that closure one day... or unless she haunts dreams, that sounds like a way to reopen the path. )

Huh? ...Let me think.

( he thinks about it... bro he didn't even cry when rokkun was on the verge of death, does he look like he want to cry for someone he doesn't know? )

Nope, I don't care about her aside from being grateful for what she did for the group... she was a marvelous stepping stone, they all worked hard.

( but if he listens to what counselor says in general then... ) Negative feelings aren't as impactful, I'm too happy about hope to allow that to weigh me down. Do you want to cry or feel sad ( yes he's parroting ) or any of that?

[ There will be no closure, she'd just raise terror after learning what y'all did with Izumi's body, Hajun's made into a liar and she can't believe she let him have Izumi ]

You ask that as if I don't cry or feel sad.

[ Whether or not he possesses real empathy is neither here nor there, though. Going back to feelings, ]

Many people become desensitized to their feelings... Negative or positive, what they're submerged in becomes their norm. For you, who's lived a life of hardship, hope is blindingly bright. For others... I've seen what impact negative feelings can have.

[ He smiles a little, then realizes he maybe shouldn't be smiling at something like this and then stops. ]

Tell me one, I'm interested. You must have a story in mind, I've always enjoyed a good book.

( now komaeda's not going to judge him on what he's smiling about, because who knows, perhaps those bring back pleasant memories for him. what negative feelings are able to do, but the last display that komaeda saw had to be... chiaki and rika, and he's not too pleased with the latter. )

Considering you've seen a lot here, almost aware of everything that's going on.

( almost because he doesn't know how omniscient his counselor may be, but he'll say things like this to see if he's corrected or not. all he knows is that he's aware when someone kills, and he buys his time by patiently waiting for them to be found out. )

You know I can't talk about the other students.

[ Like he's said many times and will say ad nauseam no matter how much somebody tries to get him to slip. Well. Talk directly, anyways. ]

If what you seek are stories, perhaps it's best we end our session here. Talking with your peers would serve to be more fruitful on that front, and the third years especially should have their share of stories. Most do pass through my door by the time for graduation.

Don't be that way, I only asked considering you smiled at the thought of it...

( it must have been interesting, though, to hear he has been casted away is very on brand with everything else. though, he's pegged komaeda as the wrong sort of person to go out there and talk to them, which he could, but he doesn't see a reason. the idea wasn't one until the counselor made it so. ) It was the first time I've seen you regret making the expression.

( he'll get back on subject: )

Forgive me, I just wanted to know what touching stories you've had from a few underdogs who are... no longer here. Some of them are capable of enabling hope, building a foundation for them to lean on... As an example, the girl who was a stepping stone, she's no longer here, but her story shared to others will motivate, helping them release a brighter light that others can flutter to... like a moth to a flame, they'll find comfort in understanding that a few deaths is the only way to creating hope.

Is it the only way? That girl... she managed to make it to her third year without bloodying her hands. I've never gotten the pleasure of meeting her, but she made me curious all the same.

[ Curiosity isn't as strong as hope, but they can be in line with one another. What would this school have been like under her rule, rather than Maya's quiet and self-serving one? There's no point of thinking about it now. ]

It's why she wasn't prepared... had she attempted one herself, she could have avoided such a circumstance. It's valuable information to act, because her own kill could have been used as a stepping stone for the future... alas...

( it's her fault for not killing in the first place to know that she could become a victim herself and avoid it. yes, but komaeda will mask this so that it was the right choice in the end because with her death, they've been given... maya arisu who gave ishimaru a second chance to redeem himself to the masses. komaeda isn't upset with her at all, despite she's a little closed off than most. )

She was lucky... ( he fiddles with the sleeve of his right arm, but not to show off his tallies. all he could think about is that she was his seventh, so that makes her special in some way. )

I noticed she lacked them... I forged a few tallies on her, and the group accepted her as one of them... some of them really are stupid.

( long, depressive sigh, but he understands they're trying. )

[ nms that concerned komaeda icon is so unnerving somehow ]

Yes, they are. But they're learning... or will learn. There are some who still don't know, aren't there? About the tallies.

( he might just snap, i've been flipping coins waiting. )

...Yep.

( when it comes to hope, komaeda has to play fair on both sides, but it's not like counselor can do anything with the information from how he acts. )

Sato-san revealed what they meant at one point, but only to a select few, and it was kept hidden from most of the group.

( it didn't bother him not knowing from them, he was already aware, and thankfully because of that he was able to tend to their hope. he did have to play dumb when overhearing mentions of tallies, or talking about them, things like that. )

Is the first tally referred to as the "gateway", or is that something I can ignore? When spoken to me, it seemed like something special happened on the first... but I'm seven tallies too far, and memory too short to even know.

[ The term makes the counselor laugh, but it's short lived, amusement out of surprise more than genuine humor. ]

Now, who called it that? How apt... I suppose it can be seen as such, in the same way one regards their first shot of cocaine, their first time having sex, their first kill... There will undoubtedly be something special about it, something that changes a person.

Pleasant descriptors, I can see the energy you're portraying for me.

( he guesses that's a nice way of putting it, but komaeda gets the idea, or he guesses how important it must have been to rokkun at the time... he does act like his life was changed from the start, and then when komaeda remembers the countless cuts... )

I was wondering if the term came from you, it almost makes him sound like a fanboy when he gives it a little name like that... ( at least someone can find humor out of this. ) You're aware of the third year that I'm familiar with... the soccer team captain.

[ I'm constantly reminded of this post, this is Rokkun ]

Former. Soccer team captain. I know who you're talking about.

( not his lil drink of water before he goes to kill a man stopppp. this also reminds me of him. )

...

( "former", he's going to ignore that. )

I'm surprised he hasn't spoken to you about it, he does seem rather fond of its meaning considering it changed his whole view.

[ He's a good kid... what went wrong... ]

Perhaps it's because it's me. There are people who do not trust counselors, or believe talking is worth their time. I can only help people who let me, and although I extend invitations to my office, they can say as little as they want and are free to leave whenever they want.

( looks off... what did he do to get like that... whose fault was that... )

He must be wary of you... I wonder what terrifies him.

( well komaeda is different from rokkun, so it makes sense why he probably says less — komaeda agrees that maybe rokkun doesn't trust him. he also thinks that rokkun doesn't speak more than what's necessary. can't fault him for that, but it does make one wonder who does he really trust in this place.

there's this long pause, not that he's hesitant, but it's like... he still has a few reservations about himself when it comes to rokkun. )

He likes when people look him in his eyes... probably for serious conversation, but you do that as well... whatever it is, he told me once... I was there for three ( going off my memory which is probably bad, so dementia be on komaeda's side ) of his marks, physically that is.

( mentally? well, komaeda can guess what that means. ) I wasn't there for the "gateway", so I thought you'd have information.

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