adsum | npc contact.1

[ It's been two months since school started; was what they had during that time not friendship? Maybe not, but it's what Rokkun has to go off of with his own lack of friendships to compare to.

Anyways, Komaeda has his hand and Rokkun doesn't have any intention of shaking him off, so instead of a reply, they're just going to draw loopity loops on the paper.

... ]

( he draws about four more with him before moving his hand, that can't be seen doing that together now can they? wouldn't want to cause any trouble in paradise, you know, scum like komaeda shouldn't be affiliated with anyway. instead, he's going to check the board to write down whatever the teach has put on it, and then look it over to make sure it's correct. why is komaeda even doing this, at least he'll be prepared for the third-years test. after that's done, he's going to look at rokkun as if he's waiting to see his response.

he's curious, loopity loops aside! he'll even nudge rokkun with his leg playfully. )

[ Komaeda preparing two years into the future even though his life expectancy isn't...

Rokkun nudges his knee back, then steps lightly on Komaeda's shoe to pin it there. Like footsie except he plays to win. ]

We were, but I don't know anymore
If you don't want to be partners like before, it'll have to be somebody else

( he doesn't move his foot, instead he stares at the note trying to find the hidden meaning behind it. partners this, partners that... something that means a lot to him, and even komaeda picks up his pen to circle the word "partners," he draws an arrow from it where he writes "hope," circles that and an arrow extends to "us," where he stops, points at it and looks at the other. he draws half a circle over "us," and he seems to be waiting to see if rokkun will finish it, komaeda's mind works in mysterious ways. )

do you really want someone like me as your partner?
i feel like i've failed you numerous times...

( he fails at being considerate of him, and his eyes look to rokkun, and then down to his hand. the anticipation makes him shiver, and he even laughs softly — not because he wants to laugh, but just a defense mechanism — that he clears his throat after. )

[ It's true. He's being disappointed at every turn, and in terms of partners, how Rokkun sees it, Komaeda should be the very last person in this entire school he should want to be bound to. Still, he looks at the words, at "partners" leading to "hope," at the uncertain "us." ]

Yeah
I want it to be you

( "i want it to be you," is rather bold of him to say, and yet komaeda waits for the words to change into something else — they don't because this must be the reality of everything. it's like he's being given a second chance, that he should learn to respect him more even though he doesn't know anything about his memories. )

you have to prove it
if we're partners, you have to trust me like i do your hope
tell me what's on your mind... count on me.

( he crosses his arms on the desk, and he lays his head down to look at rokkun. he looks up to watch him, check how his expression changes from his request, and it's true... only hope is born through connections and bonds, and he did care for rokkun's hope the most. he doesn't know if in the past when they were partners it was the same, but that's genuine love always. )

[ His face goes carefully blank, that's what it does. Komaeda trusts his hope, not his person. As for Rokkun, he trusts Komaeda's... maybe it's "hope" in a sense too. ]

Okay
But not on paper. After class

[ No physical proof, just him and Komaeda's dementia. ]

( hope is everything to komaeda, it's like a full blown person — when he looks at rokkun, his hope is something to admire. )

after class... every day?

( he questions, puppy dog eyes and everything to try and get in his good graces. you know, komaeda's an attention whore so he's trying it. while he waits for rokkun to reply back, he uses his foot to kick against the back of his tendon — footsies!! — while he jots down more notes for his... third-year class. fix him on the roster teach, komaeda is here to stay! )

[ Talking about his thoughts and feelings every single day after class sounds exhausting to the bones. He can't even turn it around and ask if Komaeda would share his thoughts, because he already does that, he never shuts up about hope, and in that way he's a lot more open about his beliefs than Rokkun would ever be.

Stupid.

He presses his leg up against Komaeda's. It's not like he has to spill his heart the first day. ]

Every day I don't have soccer practice
On those days, walk me out the door

( he wasn't expecting rokkun to even spill his heart, or even talk about himself, maybe komaeda's too used to doing things for a goal that it's integrated in his way of living. use or be used, it's kind of unfortunate, but maybe he'll learn to see things a little differently. or well try to, he's giving in to these foreign memories for rokkun, and probably the only one he'll accept them for. will he reject everyone else's thoughts on him from the past? he sure will. )

i see...
i didn't expect that

( he also didn't expect him to even want to be "partners," or whatever that entails. he lifts his head, staring at the chalkboard to see if there's anything new. better to kill time with a few questions. )

let's play 21 questions

[ There's a new example on the board, a diagram of a beam of light refracted and reflected, ending up smaller and upside down compared to the original. ]

1. Why didn't you expect it?

[ Answer his question, and Komaeda can ask the next one. This is how the game works. ]

because you're inviting me to come to your class to make it happen
trash like me? yeah, it's definitely something i wouldn't have expected
when there's other better people to choose from

( that's also the truth, komaeda isn't one to lie when he makes his intentions clear, everything else comes down to... walk him out the door? what can he even do or say between that time? maybe this is rokkun's chance to kill him.

... now komaeda's wondering if he goes one or two. )

1. the first time you called us "partners in crime," you seemed hesitant. what things did we do together?

( treason? attempted murder? vandalism? terrorism? emotional abuse? destruction? war crimes? you know, the works? )

[ He looks over at Komaeda like ?? ??? bc meeting up after class isn't inviting him to class— not like this, sitting together and unable to pay attention to the lecture and having to rely on Komaeda's notes later. ]

Better people know better than to be with me
Crime
3. Does a past you don't remember matter?

( it's inviting him, accept him as a third-year, rokkun! which, he'll just come anyway especially if the teacher doesn't notice... he's a good boy, writing down their notes so they can pass their next exams.

when he looks back over at what's written, he thinks about the struggle that hinata himself endures, not knowing anything, and how komaeda finds this karma that the same is happening to him. something like this would happen to him, and he guesses that's what he gets for being "lucky". forget the past and the future will hold something better for him, he doesn't know what it is just yet, but he's holding out — maybe it's rokkun's hope, maybe that's what he gave the past up for. )

i'm not going to remember anything one day
you of all people know this, but if it was avoidable, i'd like to know.
4. what memories do you want me to remember

[ Rokkun accepts so damn much but that doesn't change the school roster. ]

Every dies and everybody forgets. But I'm talking about right now
I want you to remember our original promise. It'd be meaningless if I told you
5. What memories do you want to remember?

( give komaeda a few weeks, he's going to have them rosters edited, he's going to be a third-year, and walk rokkun to the door. second-year if he tries hard enough, then he's closer to the third-year floor. )

before you said you'd break it if you died before me.
it makes me wonder if our original promise was to die together
6. how we met

( morbid, sure, but komaeda doesn't seem like he's joking either. )

[ ... ]

You found me
7. Why does it matter?

you can learn a lot about a person through how you meet them
and other's say it's special, i wondered if we were the same, special
8. if i told you about the memories i do remember, would you call them fake?

( wait, let him flip a page in their book so they look like they're paying attention. )

[ He glances up at the board and the teacher is talking about camera lenses and oh boy he's going to have to self study tonight. Komaeda being in his class is detrimental to graduation, actually. ]

No
9. What memories do you remember?

( don't blame his focus on komaeda, to be honest, get him a phone so he can help rokkun study?

what memories do he remember? none that involve rokkun, only things people find depressing, things that komaeda is detached from — no family, no friends, just himself and terrible circumstances that brought about good ones. )

i had a dog that i'd see every day as i came home
i almost got to see him again once

( he's sure rokkun might understand from how he phrased his words. the dog he speaks about is long gone, the chance to see him again was when owari choked him where he laid. unlucky and lucky occurrences. )

10. what memories do you remember?

[ how does a phone help ]

A younger brother and sister
Living by the coast
The home that I grew up in
You
11. Why not me?

( so they can text through the night, staying up discussing notes.

if this is memories they're on, this might take a bit. )

my father and mother are dead
my dog is dead
i have no relatives
i only have me
and money
hope
that's pretty lucky
i want you

( the base of his childhood that basically left him with no one, but in a way, rokkun does deserve a fte since he gifted komaeda once... )

[ "I have no family but I have money and hope! Lucky!" stares at the sky

He doesn't even follow up with a question... Well, Rokkun can provide an answer all the same ]

Yes
13. Should I start over?

[ me googling fte "An FTE is the hours worked by one employee on a full-time basis. The concept is used to convert the hours worked by several part-time employees into the hours worked by full-time employees." and going ??? and then i went oh ]

( promise you he doesn't even want the money, he only wants hope... but he's lucky!

STOPP NOT ME LAUGHING PLEASEEE maybe that's what his special free time event should be turned into. )

yeah
go back to 1
i don't want to stop talking to you

( he knows what rokkun meant, but he's also trying to be cute?? is this how you be cute??? komaeda's trying. )

for your question
i want to remember what it is that i missed, starting over is one, but my memory...
14. am i really that unlucky that i can't understand what we shared in the past?

( go back to 1! )

[ adsflkhj bonding over accounting... cursed ]

No
Maybe it's better this way. But starting over feels like giving up, when my hope is that you'll remember

[ It's a lost cause, though, with Komaeda's dementia. But maybe that's why he's so persistent, when he was resistant to Rika's initial advances, because being with Komaeda is impossible and his affections won't be returned. In a way, there's safety in impossibility. ]

1. If you could remember everything, would you really want to?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject