adsum | npc contact.1

[ She's stacking question after question on poor Nao who squints at the paper and is about to ask who "he" is, if not for remembering what Steph had blurted out in front of her the very first time they met. It's because of that that she reaches for the gift but then pulls her hand back, looking at Steph unsure. ... No, Steph said it was hers, so she picks up the paper and unwraps it, careful not to tear it so the flowers stay intact. ]

First the horse and now this... Somebody's been taking things from my locker?

[IT'S WORMS no it's not it's the resin knife, of course it's the resin knife, next time it's worms tho.]

I figured it was one of those "my friend died, so I'm gonna take all their stuff" kind of deals. [y'know, like stingy always says he'll do.] Or the fairies did it. Either/or.

[ NEXT TIME IT'S WORMS ]

If he took my stuff, I don't think he'd give it away.

[ So. It must be fairies. Her expression does soften a little when she fully unwraps the knife, though, picking it up by the handle and holding it up against the window so she can see the sunlight shine through the resin and light up everything suspended inside. ]

...Thanks. For giving it back.

Oh, wow... [SHE HADN'T EVER THOUGHT TO DO THAT how pretty...]

I'm glad to do it. I never thought I'd get the chance... [fiddles nervously with bracelets] Um, I know you're not really too interested in being friends with us... and I'm sure there's really good reasons for that! And I respect those reasons! But, um...

[god why does this always look so much easier when he does it]

I'd really like to be your friend. If that's okay. It's okay if it's not.

[ What has she been doing with her knife if her first reaction wasn't to hold it up to the sun and go "ohh, pretty" ]

Huh? Uh...

[ From the look on Nao's face, she doesn't really want to be friends, no. She hadn't gone out of her way to make friends with anybody here, not since waking up half delirious with pain in a bathroom, and she looks away from Stephanie, tugging at her hoodie, somewhat embarrassed. ]

They're not... good reasons. Not respectable ones, anyways. It's just hard to become friends with people who I know are going to get me killed. It's self-serving... cowardly.

[ She knows!!! but look, you get stabbed in the back once and you get a little nervous about putting yourself out there again ]

[cutting fruit almost exclusively]

It's a good enough reason for me. "Once bitten, twice shy," right? It's okay to be scared. It doesn't make you a coward; it makes you a person.

... If it makes you feel any better, I'm doing my best to not get anyone killed. [sheepish grin] Doesn't mean a whole lot, does it? Still gonna try my best. It's all I can do.

[ ...I forgot knives have practical uses outside of stabbing people. ]

It's... not something people typically have to make an effort to do...

[ It really doesn't mean a whole lot, but in this place? Even a little something is something. ]

You know what this place is like. The danger is from other people, classmates being pitted against each other. [ A hand hand reaches for her torso, fingers to where bandages had to be wound around to keep her guts inside ] From people you thought were friends.

They're all trying to win a game with no winners. [the ineffable game.]

... I don't know what I'll be like after I go through the things you guys have been through. [as she thinks about rokkun, and guilt twists in her throat.] But, I'd like to think that I'll still be mostly myself. At least, the parts that would never, ever betray a friendship.

[she doesn't know if she'd die before that. she's never had to think about it.]

That's the sort of place this is. Even when you "win," you lose.

[ It's like a game where you're losing the moment you start, and all you can do is your best to not sink so far into the negatives. ]

I thought... if I surrounded myself with good people, people who I thought were my friends, I would be okay. Look how that turned out. I don't know what to do.

[she frowns, thinking.]

... Live, I guess. What else is there?

Living is a given, but what am I supposed to do? Clutch my knife and jump at every shadow?

[ 'cause that's what existing in this school is feeling like. If you aren't being stabbed by friends, you're being nibbled on by invisible imps. Living isn't so easy as being alive. ]

... I don't really know.

[said with genuine remorse, like a preteen not having all the answers is unforgivable.]

[ tfw you're disappointed by a 10-year-old

Nao sighs, looking back down at the knife on her lap. ... ]

...Are you and him friends?

[... hold on give her a minute to word this properly.]

I'm his friend! And I hope he thinks of me as a friend, but, y'know... Some people don't like using the word, but he did give me a bowling ball. If that isn't friendship, I don't know what is.

Why the fuck did he give you a bowling bowl?

[ First of all, what the fuck? Second of all, those things are sort of expensive? They're HEAVY. For Hiro to make that sort of effort, that's got to speak of friendship on some level. ]

We'd been talking about lawn bowling, and I... think it was about that? I don't know if he knows the difference between that and regular bowling. He's not a very sporty kind of guy... It was really nice. It reminds me of home.

[beat]

Well, "talking." It's charades. But, I'm really good at charades!

Lawn bowling.

[ She... also does not know the difference between that and regular bowling, but if it's apparently common enough knowledge that a 10 year old knows about it, she's not going to admit it. ]

So he's still not talking a lot, huh? That's how he was to me too... I was hoping he'd gotten better by now, though.

It's not bad that he doesn't talk. That's just how he's most comfortable! If he ever wants to speak, that's his decision.

[doesn't mention that she actually has heard him speak before because she's not 100% on whether he wants people to know he physically can and mostly just. assumes he doesn't.]

It's not bad, it's sad. Maya said he used to talk all the time, until he stopped.

[ Maybe he had the right idea; if Nao just stopped talking and engaging with everybody, there's no doubt in her mind that people would stop talking to her and leave her alone ]

Hm... If you make it really hard to talk to you, then you know the people that still do it really want to.

... I think he's a good person. I worry about him a lot.

...I guess that's a way to do it.

[ Definitely not going to think about how she really wants to but can't bring herself to, even as she stares at the knife in her hands. ]

He's got Maya protecting him, though. Out of everybody in the school, he might be the safest person here.

... Was she ever different before, or has she always been kinda scary?

[MAYA LORE MAYA LORE MAYA LORE]

Huh? Oh, no. She's always been terrifying.

[ Your Maya lore is that she's always just been Like That. ]

Ah. [real dead dove: do not eat situation right here] That's why I worry sometimes, though. She wants to win. The people she's hurting to get there might decide there's an easier way to hurt her back...

[ I hope nobody was surprised. ]

By getting at Hiro instead? That'd be a death wish. ...Though, [ and, ugh, she makes a face at the thought ] in a place like this, if you can take somebody down with you, maybe that's worth it to them. Maybe I should be giving the knife back to him.

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