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npc contact.1

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[ The correct answer is supposed to be yes, he knows it, but it's still hard to believe it, or want it, or know what okay even feels like.

But it's the right answer, so he nods, pulling the paper a little away from his legs so he can stare at the drawing. Is this being okay? ]

... It's okay to not be. [pause] I'm not sure when I'll be okay again, and I haven't even been through half the stuff you have... Admitting it is the first step there, though. That's what I've always been told.

[ Oh, that's what— he thinks for a moment how to mime this, but then realizes he doesn't have to, because he still has that scrap of paper and the pen: ]

thats what counselor said

[...

socks him in the arm. gently, but, still. socks him one.]

Don't say that! He's creepy; I don't wanna sound like him...

[ Ouch...

He frowns a little, like Stephanie had just said that about his sister or something. ]

You've been talking to him for ages now! How do you not think he's super creepy?

[she's not projecting because the words he says be sounding kinda familiar and she Doesn't Care For That Shit At All.]

[ He's a little creepy, but that doesn't mean he's not... ]

helping

[ is the word Hiro writes and holds up to her ]

[she stares at the word for a second, brows knit together in thought.]

... Does it really help?

[ He comes out of that room every day in tears, feeling miserable. But it's supposed to help. It's a process... or something.

He nods. ]

[she frowns.

well, she knows what her definition of helping would be. only one way to find out.]

If you had the choice, right now... To take back what you did, or do it again... Which one would you pick?

[ It's with some hesitation, and he does look uneasy, but Hiro eventually holds up two fingers.

He would kill Kouji all over again, as many times as he had to. ]

[jerry.jpg]

Then it hasn't helped at all! That is... the opposite of helping!

[ Oh... That's right. You're supposed to get counseling to learn regret enough to not murder again. He does feel that— regret, remorse, guilt, all of that. He hated doing it. He hates having to live with doing it. He hates himself for doing it.

But that doesn't change the fact that Kouji Seki must die. ]

... What'd he even do?

[because - and this is very important - she will absolutely be down for the murder if the answer to this is bad enough for her specifically.]

[ He does some vague hand motion.

Kouji did stuff. You know. Crimes. ]

[she sighs, frustrated.]

Is that what life means to everybody here? To just take it over... [waves hand vaguely]

[ The vague hand waves mean a lot to him. Enough that he can't talk about it, even if he could. He passes his piece of paper over to Stephanie, "helping" facing forward, and point at the "sorry" on her picture. It's what he told her before all of this— before Kouji, even— back when Aiko died and he gave her knife back. No explanation; just a sorry. There's no reason for Stephanie to accept a plain sorry now, anymore. ]

... I'm not the one you need to give apologies to. [but, you probably won't apologize to a person you don't feel sorry about.] But, as much as it's worth... I do forgive you. And I'm really glad you're my friend.

[ He's not going to apologize to Kouji. But, and it's worth much more to him that she knows, the forgiveness despite it all is something he takes to heart, the declaration of friendship despite all he's done and is.

He doesn't smile, and looks more like he wants to cry all over again, but he points to himself, places a hand over his heart, and points at Stephanie. ]

[it's fine; she's smiling enough for the both of them, looking and feeling happier than she's been since The Before Times.]

I love you too, Hiro! [...] Okay, I know hugs are off the table, but maybe...? [a nice christian side-hug? one of those?]

[ Wait— that wasn't supposed to be love, and he's Unsure about the alternative to hug but

she's smiling? she looks so comparatively happy?

he has no choice but to nod ]

[listen. you hear your story, and she'll hear hers.

she smiles even wider, somehow, and puts her arm across him, bringing him in for a tight, but brief, squeeze.]

Are you gonna go to the fundraiser thing? I wasn't gonna go, but if you're going, I'll go.

[honestly it's because she knows komaeda will be there and she doesn't wanna deal with his shit right now.]

[ Oh, um. Maybe his face is a little red when she pulls away, but he's not looking at her and if he can't see her she can't see him, this is how it works.

The fundraiser is a welcome distraction, and he nods that he's going to go— because he promised Komaeda he would, and even though he doesn't want to deal with Komaeda's shit either, he was promised free things in return and so, you know, he's gotta. ]

I'm not sure how much money you need to fix up a whole building, but whatever it is, I'm sure Rika's crazy enough to get it.

... It'll be nice, having a place to sleep... I don't ever want this place feeling like home, but... A place to actually be alone would be good. Right now I'm just putting a chair against the door.

[and maybe checking the ceiling tiles for weaknesses she knows how these freaks are]

[ It's going to require thousands upon thousands of dollars and the fundraiser may raise maybe a fraction of that and the rest will have to rely on Komaeda apparently regaining his fortune. Would people sleep in Komaeda funded dorms? Maybe murder is forgivable in exchange for a bed.

Hiro sort of just nods along... there's nothing he can do about that. Maya would never approve a sleepover, so he doesn't bother asking. He does take that paper, though, to scribble on a blank spot on the paper ]

careful in dorms

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