adsum | npc contact.1

...Promised?

( it adds up, kind of... there's a pause, and amami sighs. )

It's like I said — he gave it to me to return to you. When I agreed, it didn't seem like he wanted to let go...

( in the end, though, he did. )

He only started acting like this after what happened, so I figured you'd be the only one who could help it.

( maybe rokkun understands him a little better than amami does? though, seems like that was a bit much to hope for. )

( then he'll talk as he sits on the sink, delighted with what's to happen, the thought of seeing hiro's efforts like this. he may not be able to see, but komaeda can give some blind trust to an untalented, and he has maya's praise in mind as well. she wouldn't put her brother in a position to be a laughingstock to the entire school, but motivation is motivation, and if he believes then well... that'll bring about something.

ecstasy is the perfect word, especially when lifting a hand to settle over his heart. )

Hope is... everything I want to see from the people around us, how they come together after battling their inner darkness.

( he sighs wistfully, leaning back against the mirror to slowly close his eyes, making himself comfortable. as he thinks about it, hope is what he wants, and more. he can't imagine a world that lacks it, and he's too invested in everyone here to miss out on the chance of how they'll shape the future. ultimates, the brightest stars here than those who are untalented, guided by the help of ultimates. they have their own hope that could do something, mediocre enough to maybe lift a small pebble, but at least that's something. )

What's inside of you, Arisu-kun...? What type of hope do you have...? To do this for us, to enable the chance of a fundraiser, you want to see them all come as one... don't you?

( their happiness, together. it's what he wants. this may not make sense to hiro, but it comes off as good intentions, and means so much to komaeda.

also he doesn't have to answer, he's just doing that hope horny talk that's all. )

( she knows him just enough to realize that — he's the kind of a guy who'd much rather grind things beneath his heel until he felt better, lash out, suffer in silence. honestly, she... can relate to that, too — she's always had to swallow her own hurt alone, the comfort of another person about as unknown as it is to him, stuck in a place she hated, with only the vulgar yells of drunk men to keep her company.

but... she learns, slowly, hesitantly. tips her head to the side, to rub her cheek against his head, eyelids fluttering shut. )

Ah, hey. Look. ( right, that reminds her...

she reaches up to pull the choker she wears around her neck down, revealing the long scar to the side of her throat. maybe it'll make him feel better about his own... listen... )

[ He hates high school. Kids should be in high school zero years.

He listens and doesn't comment, naturally, but at knowing her... he nods, slow, because sort of. He knew her name— he knows people's names. But did he know her? anything substantial about her? no. ]

[ It doesn't make sense, to give somebody something you don't want to let go— to give it to somebody else instead of returning it yourself. The fact that Amami agreed makes his blood boil a little. Thinking about Komaeda makes his blood boil. Maybe by the time he drags himself down to the library, he'll calm down a little, but for now, in this moment, he'll let murderous rage fill him as he pushes himself up from his desk and leaves the room.

Remind him of the rock... later... maybe ]

[ He doesn't answer because what do you even say to all of that? If he didn't know better, if he didn't know Komaeda, listening to a talk about hope would have almost been... nice. Something he would have liked to hear, something he needs to hear, something to latch onto and keep him going that's not simply his sister's sake.

Really, his hope is directed at one person and one person only. Hiro dips his head a little, letting his bangs hide his face. He doesn't care about everybody else. Komaeda would surely be disappointed to know. ]

[ What the fuck, Rika.

How is that supposed to make him feel better, instead of worried, sick, feelings that borderline concern that he has to hold fast to and not know which way to let it go. He thinks to the robot, to the three hundred students in this school, to the lines on Rika's wrist and the switchblade in her hand and despite wanting to reach out and run his thumb over that scar, his arms are lead and his face is closer and so, instead, he turns his head and places a kiss on her neck.

The last time he did that feels a lifetime ago. ]

"Things will heal"... or something... is it?

Maybe...

[ Is there ever good news at their meetings? Of the few Hanako's seen, it just seems to him like they play games... which is good, he's supportive of that, anything to return that smile to Yashiro's face. One year... He can't guarantee her that much, the longer they stay in this place. ]

If there is any, I'm trusting you to be my eyes and ears and pass it all onto me, okay? Can you do that for me?

( listen sometimes they get something done in their investigating! sometimes there's good news! not this time though. but they don't know that. ~~smashcut to nene wailing in hanako's arms in grief and betrayal~~ still, with mr. lucifer in charge nene is sure things will be far more productive this time! )

Of course I will. ( and she seals it with a hug. hug for hanako... ) What will you be doing during the meeting?

( hiro doesn't answer and that's fine, he hasn't even stood up to walk away so komaeda finds this both a win and success. talking about hope, being able to have something like that in their life, it's why he asks what sort of hope hiro has — he can throw out anything, and that's probably not it. he can wait to be corrected, or he can think that having hiro doing this is part of it. either way, he's glad.

besides, even if hiro doesn't care about everyone else... komaeda can't fault him, because he too can ignore the people around him for that one person...

that's an unhealthy choice though. )

When it comes to hope...

( he claps his hands together again happily, and he looks down towards hiro as he sketches. he thinks about the differences between him and his sister, and what he finds is that he's more vocal than her. he may not speak, but the things he does helps draw people into him, and that's interesting from komaeda's perspective. )

I want to see yours grow as well, or maybe the seedling has already poked through the dirt.

( hiro did stab kouji, that's like fertilizer. )

( listen, she doesn't expect him to worry about her, nor does she think before she does things, so —

it's a matching scar? maybe? she hasn't seen the one on his neck, but... it seems heavily bandaged, and he still sounds hoarse, so it's easy enough to figure out something must've happened to his throat.

thank god he can't see her face — cheeks flush, knees going weak, and she huffs, a little flustered, but doesn't move away. )

Yeah. You just gotta give it some time!

( so i'm guessing this is the same day after amami — bless his soul — spoke with rokkun and he "cooled down"? hope he has blood on his hands...

anyway, komaeda's sitting in the library in the back both out of sight and out of mind, in a place where he can hardly cause any havoc. it's unlike him, but after everything he's seen so far, and it being enough to blame himself — if he didn't exist, or if his luck didn't act that way, then things would be fine. the amount of bad luck he's accumulated should give him something good, but he can't even look forward to what that is, because someone will just get hurt soon after. he finds that if he just gives up, accept his place in the world like he should have... maybe certain people wouldn't have gotten hurt.

around him is various books: mystery, geography, and some others from him to choose from, and he's better than he once was. rather than just letting a book sit there and read him, he's managed to lean forward, grab one, and open it to a page to read the first paragraph before allowing his mind to wander. it's like this everyday now, his own attempt to ease his mind, block out what's happened before, and just stay out of the way. everything that happens outside the library is not his business anymore! )

I'm not gonna like when I learn how long away from home I've really been, am I.

[because there's only so long she deny what seems inevitable. not that she'd tell anyone else that.]

... Are you gonna be okay?

[ It only took a few days after Nanami and Sara agreed to work together for Sara to sniff out loner to investigate. At some point after class, Nao is unlucky enough to find herself cornered. Sara has already positioned herself in front of the door, leaning on the handle while Nanami stands somewhere nearby. Its fine. This is a Friendly conversation. ]

You're the quiet girl whose always following Ouma around, aren't you? [ It's hard to hide the mild distaste around his name. So many jerks with friends at this school. Did you have to be such a jerk about not wanting to kill people? ] Sato-san, right? You were at the meeting, but you didn't say anything. We just wanted to ask you some questions, if thats alright?

Edited (me and sheep needed the two of them to girlboss nao sorry for BIG editing) 2021-07-03 06:53 (UTC)

Ahh... Sara-san I don't think you have to lock the door. [ Unlike Sara... Nanami enters the room with a wave. Greeting the other softly, "Hello, good afternoon." She stops only settling in and lets Sara catch up to walk in front of her toward Nao. Making the introduction as she is unaware of who the other is - from what the mun can remember. ] Hello Nao-san, my name is Nanami Chiaki from Class 2-B.

[ Hugs for Hanako... One he returns, as he does, without letting go after. ]

Me? Now that I've got the Hakujoudai back, I'm going to let them investigate where I can't go, and see what we can find. Did you want one to stay with you during the meeting?

[ So even if he can't physically be there, Nene can always have a lil soul floating around her head in future threads that people can go "hm" about ]

I don't follow him around. [ Like she's some duckling toddling after that guy, no way. ] We're classmates.

[ So of course they'd go to the same class and whatever and be seen together, but that's the extent of how much she wants to be perceived in regards to Kokichi. Classrooms have two doors... she's going to start walking over to the other one. ]

...At least give me some context before coming in and asking if it's okay to interrogate me.

[ It's not a hard no. ]

I'm not locking it? [ NANAMI WHY DIDNT YOU COVER THE OTHER DOOR...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE BAD COP IF SHE ESCAPES.... ]

So you aren't friends? [ Sara isn't going to start powerwalking over to block the other door yet, but she does stop leaning so hard on the first one. ] I mean just...it doesn't actually matter. I'm Sara Chidouin from 1-C. Nanami and I have been trying to collect more information about the school together. I think ah, more knowledge is better for heading off issues within the group. Things escalated a lot last month.

[ She looks over at Nanami to see if there's anything the other girl wants to add. ]

[ Rokkun seething about Komaeda breaking their promise while I'm over here realizing I don't even remember what they promised, it doesn't matter, it's the fact that he broke it that matters most.

At least it's easy to find Komaeda, when you only have eyes for one person in the first place, and Rokkun strides right up to him, pulling the balled up jacket out from under his arm, and throws it roughly at Komaeda's face.

Hi. ]

[ Hiro had his reasons, which he won't ever talk about so I hope Kouji survives.

Anyways, Komaeda's talking about hope again and Hiro still doesn't really understand it, but to show that he's listening, he draws in the background as grass and wildflowers— he's good at wildflowers, looks happier drawing them than he does cats— and includes a little seedling pushing through the dirt between the white cat's paws. ]

...I don't have a lot of time. There's less than a year to go.

[ And that year's made even tougher now. It sucks, but he can't seem to find much else that's good about all of this, even his self-proclaimed extra free time to hang out. ]

How would you spend it?

[ !?!?!? WTF LET HER FEEL LIKE SHE HAS FREEDOM??? PRO STRATS. ]

... It would be easier if you would just comply instead of us following you around everywhere.

[ And Nanami will. ]

Just kidding... A lot of us are currently out of the loop of the situation this school offers... We learned that you seemed to know a lot about what is going on. Would it be okay if you stayed for a little?

You focus on the wrong thing.

( sure, his time here might be down to, what, a few months at best? but... if he graduates, there's a life ahead of him, where he can do and be whatever he wants. he'll be all healed by then, too. he'll be free of this school. he... will make it, and she's determined to help him. )

Once you get out of this place, you have allll the time in the world! ( she smiles, turning her head to press a small kiss to his temple. ) And you can be the captain of the university soccer team. And show me something cool when I get out of here.

( it's... so hard to stay positive, but when she's doing it for someone else, words come easier. )

Hmm... I'd make the best of it, I guess. This place sucks, but you still only get to live through high school once, right? So you gotta experience it to the fullest, before adulthood takes you. ( the highs and lows of highschool life. thank u riverdale )

( how i remember what they promised because i reread it, and thinking about rokkun's fucking insanity.

komaeda's reading damn... now he doesn't get an alarm system from an untalented, and considering the library is silent... the balled jacket hits him in his face first. he jumps from it, his arm hurting from knocking it into the side of the book in his lap, and the prosthetic reaching up to grab what's obscuring his vision. noticing it's the jacket, he blinks confused wondering what's brought ama — ... why would he bring this to him, maybe he couldn't find rokkun, or... why didn't komaeda feel his presence? having it back causes him to relax for a moment, but as his eyes lift to see who brought it... he can feel his heart drop into the pit of his stomach — an initial reaction as his eyes widen for a moment, and the surprise dies down right after.

it's been a week almost, but... it feels like yesterday, it feels like moments ago where he watches the blood spray from rokkun's body — flesh removed from his leg, his neck... just the thought makes him...

his hand tightens into the fabric, this sort of... odd feeling washes over him, and...

he's going to get on his hands (yes, he's bringing the jacket with him) and knees so that he can crawl behind the bookshelf. goodbye (despair, sdr2)! )

[ The correct answer is supposed to be yes, he knows it, but it's still hard to believe it, or want it, or know what okay even feels like.

But it's the right answer, so he nods, pulling the paper a little away from his legs so he can stare at the drawing. Is this being okay? ]

npc contact.1

full navigation

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

stares into the sky at the meeting

email notif on my phone: hanaban / me, immediately opening dreamwidth:

no subject

no subject

7/1 / rokkun, sighs about the jacket.

no subject

july 2, sometime after class - nao sato

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject