adsum | npc contact.1

That's how it should be.

( he could start to count, and he probably gets to a double digit, but maybe that's the way his eyes glaze over, and can't tell the difference from one to another. there's too many to choose from, to wonder what the final number may be if he took out his time to count then one by one. komaeda's reaction is normal, he gasps, and it's hard to tell if it's because of the marks or the fact the other revealed them. there's some that are fresher, and rather than sympathizing because komaeda's literally unable to do that —

he lightly brushes a finger across the layer of blood that obscures the count, leaving behind a line that separates the liquid until it forms back together. )

I'm jealous, you have so many...

( he's not really jealous, but he can't keep his hands off, trying to feel what sort of texture comes from touching a raw and sensitive area like that. )

Do they bring you hope... every... ( he drags ) ...single... ( his index finger ) ...one... ( across the area. )

[ They sting, naturally, and he can see Rokkun's fingers twitch and curl with each pass over the cuts on his wrist. But he doesn't pull his hand away, letting Komaeda poke and prod and feed his curiosity until it's sated and he can cover this up and never speak of it again. ]

You could have this many too.

[ He clenches his left hand into a fist, causing more blood to seep out from the wounds. ]

I remember each and every one.

[ Is this hope? ]

I could?

( is this hope?

it must hurt, he noticed how the other flinched, and how he inflicts pain on himself. in return, all komaeda does is touch and play with them, familiarizing himself with the ones that cross over. fresh ones, old ones, so many mixed all in a pile, and who knows where they could even start so komaeda's curious of what he'd say. how he'd answer. )

Tell me about your favorite one, and we can match.

Edited 2021-05-24 07:44 (UTC)

[ Why would he have a favorite. He does, though ]

My favorite... would probably be this one.

[ He points at one of the marks which could reasonably be one of any 2348905943 marks ]

It was my very first one— I guess you could call it the "gateway"... I've gone over it too many times, though, so that's not even the original scar.

Is that so... ( lore, lore, loooore, or maybe cute rokkun naming, either way, komaeda's going to trade his finger over whichever the other is indicating. he's probably touching the wrong one, but... )

...And when I thought I was your favorite.

( he withdraws his hands, wiping the blood on his pants leg to clean it off, before touching again. he just didn't want to get it infected. ) Did we at least get our "gateway" together? ( almost said gayway, help. )

[ Komaeda is his favorite scar, yeah

Also his pants are probably filthy? that's not helping ]

No, I hadn't known you back then. If I did, maybe you would've been part of my favorite.

( he hums, looking off to the side as he thinks about it. )

How sweet, ahah... I really don't deserve such kindness.

( so he wasn't there for whenever his first one started, so he wonders about the others. )

What about the others, if I couldn't be there for your first?

( his voice drops softly as he stares at the other curiously, wondering if he'll even say. if there is one, actually... )

The others involved? No, they're no longer here.

[ His first time was very thorough, thanks. ]

No, no... Did I accompany you with any of the ( 8273648373747 ) others? So that one of our marks we obtained together.

( if they're partners in crime and knew each other when they were little, he can't help but ask. you never know, maybe they was acting up together! which komaeda stares at his own right arm, despite covered by the sleeve, and touches there softly. he leans against rokkun, shoulder to shoulder as if he's about to show his own arm, but not really, he's just musing. )

Since I wasn't there for your "gateway," and that one was pretty special to you.

[ Eyes flit over to glance at Komaeda's wrist, but he does not ask— does not need to— and instead leans his own weight against Komaeda's shoulder, which isn't as comfortable as it sounds. ]

You were there for this one, and that one... the one here too... [ he points out the scars with light strokes of his finger against his skin, bringing the tip back bright red and wet. ] ...physically, at least.

[ Mentally? emotionally? how can he say, when Komaeda doesn't even remember? ]

( he is big as hell, komaeda is a twig, why does rokkun hate sick people? you're right, it isn't comfortable at all, so if komaeda is slowly leaning the opposite direction... don't worry about it. )

... ( physically? you know, that means so many things. )

Ah! I get it, those must have been the fabled... partners in crime days you talk about.

( the word registers in his head, and he contemplates it for a moment. ) What about you? If I was there "physically," were you all there?

( yeah, you! he's asking since someone is trying to call him out... )

[ "Fabled" like he doesn't believe it's true— it has to be, right? if Rokkun remembers, if he dreams about it, if there are scars on his wrists and thoughts in his brain and bodies in h

never mind that, he shakes his head. ]

Of course I was. I always am. There would be no point otherwise, if it weren't all me.

( bodies in his hwhat, ori. BODIES IN HIS HWHAT ORI. )

As long as you did it for hope, but... if you start to fall into despair... it'll ruin everything!

( yes, it's always about hope with him, but he means it. as long as he gained those scars through methods that involves it, and to help himself towards a brighter outcome. )

But have you always been you... ( he's thinking about something. ) Before you obtained the "gateway," ...what sort of person were you before that?

[ in his hdon't worry about it ]

I can handle it. I've been doing this for a long time, after all... I wonder who I was before that...?

[ A normal child... he can only think of himself as such, never having experienced being anybody else. Whatever he was, whoever he was, it's all he knows and so that's his normal. ]

I feel like I've always been me, as I am now.

( ori, don't hdo this to me. )

That's what you feel...? I really don't understand it.

( you know, he can only see how people react around them, and he's unable to sympathize. instead, he looks at rokkun to look into his eyes, and what is he looking for? who knows. )

How do you know you haven't changed, and only adjusted... ( he pauses, don't get him wrong, he's just taking a breath. ) I just want to make sure your hope isn't wavering, because the last time I saw them...

( they appeared more healed, some better than others. )

[ What's the difference between changing and adjusting? Between that and growing up? Heaven help him if he were the same person he was last year, let alone as a child full of hope and optimism and naivety. All he knows is, as the years go by, he feels more and more himself, and doesn't allow for regret. ]

It's been a while since you've seen my hope.

[ Overdue, probably, but he likes to take his time with these things. He takes his wrist back, pulls his wristband on over the wounds, and gets up onto his feet so he can stretch his arms up over his head and wait a few seconds for the head rush to stop and his vision to return.

I can't remember what he was supposed to be doing in this thread so he's going to excuse himself bc he has a murder date planned or something. ]

( luckily for him, komaeda doesn't remember those days, and he probably never will, because the only person he knows now is the rokkun that stands before him. who he is now isn't a bad thing, but komaeda was only curious given his own position once upon a time — was he always like this, or was it junko's influence that amplified his reasonings. that is a question he's never answered properly, so even if rokkun didn't have one, komaeda too would respect that.

he doesn't expect him to have all the answers anyway. )

Has it been that long?

( there's so much he wants to ask regarding it, but instead, he looks off to the side to stare at the emptiness of the room. it's all empty, their voices, and certain movements echo here and there, but that takes his attention for now. )

I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to witness your hope, especially if it can help their goals as well.

( what sort of hope will that birth? he's curious, and that's why he says this to rokkun as if it matters. okay, now that he's satisfied, and can tell when rokkun's ready to blue skadoo on out of here — someone's been busy — komaeda will smile, and wave goodbye. )

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