[ He swallows, trying to imagine. What it would be like if there were others there, what he might have felt when he first saw home in the horizon again, whether he was able to... ... But it didn't happen that way, and he can only ever feel as if that were another person, a Rokuro who had succeeded where he himself had failed.
It's kind of funny, being jealous of yourself.
Back then, what was he trying so hard for? A baby brother, whose name and face he had told Stephanie he didn't remember and he hadn't been lying— it was only a few nights ago that he could remember, waking up in the middle of the night with his face wet and chest feeling hollow. And he'd close his eyes and try to go back to sleep, have that nightmare again and again, never once being able to reach that cabin or that person on his own. ]
I'm not afraid of it... [ mumbled, decidedly not looking at Komaeda because maybe the reason for needing to do everything himself boils down to pride, a stupid reason. What he says, though, ] I just never had anybody to rely on.
[ Which is maybe even more stupid, because he remembers Rika asking time and time again for him to open up a little and accept her help, he remembers Komaeda offering— maybe for the sake of hope, but it was his hope. He remembers Akki, and why he had tried to set him on fire...
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It's kind of funny, being jealous of yourself.
Back then, what was he trying so hard for? A baby brother, whose name and face he had told Stephanie he didn't remember and he hadn't been lying— it was only a few nights ago that he could remember, waking up in the middle of the night with his face wet and chest feeling hollow. And he'd close his eyes and try to go back to sleep, have that nightmare again and again, never once being able to reach that cabin or that person on his own. ]
I'm not afraid of it... [ mumbled, decidedly not looking at Komaeda because maybe the reason for needing to do everything himself boils down to pride, a stupid reason. What he says, though, ] I just never had anybody to rely on.
[ Which is maybe even more stupid, because he remembers Rika asking time and time again for him to open up a little and accept her help, he remembers Komaeda offering— maybe for the sake of hope, but it was his hope. He remembers Akki, and why he had tried to set him on fire...
...
He remains quiet. ]